I'm Boned
by Sky Land Sea
Summary: I had a pretty average life. Next thing I know, I'm in a world I've only ever fantasized about being in. Now I'm sailing with the craziest pirate crew there is. What could go wrong? (Self-insert) First fic...contains multi-crossover elements
1. Chapter 1 - The Beginning

Chapter 1

I woke up.

'_Where the hell am I?'_

Why did I think that, you ask? It's because this wasn't my bedroom, it was some empty room in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse.

I got up and made my way out the door and found myself in a somewhat busy street. It still gave me no clue as to where I was. _'How did I even get here?'_ I thought in a panic. I wandered around; the thought of "where am I" was repeating itself in my head over and over. I started feeling lightheaded before I realized I was hyperventilating. After a few deep breaths, I took a simple course of action: ask someone for help.

"Excuse me, Sir, where am I?" I asked some random guy.

"You don't know?" He asked back with a puzzled look on his face. I shook my head. "You're in Loguetown, kid."

I couldn't believe what I just heard. _Loguetown?_ That couldn't be. That town is fictional.

"Thanks, sir," I said, trying to hide my shock. I kept walking, taking in the scenery: a restaurant here, some grocery stores there, a pet shop, and the spot in town where Gold Roger was executed… and just then, Captain Smoker came into view.

That was all the proof I needed. Somehow, I'd been transported into the world of One Piece! Just like in all those fanfics I've read. If that's really true, does that mean I'll get to meet the Straw Hat Pirates? After all, they stop by this town in the story to get supplies.

As I resumed walking; wandering aimlessly through Loguetown, I passed an alley…something caught my eye. I slowly made my way down the narrow path, towards what appeared to be a Devil Fruit. As I approached it, I saw a note stuck to it.

It read, _"The power you imagined lies in this fruit. Eat it if you dare."_

There's no way that meant what I thought it meant. Could this really be the Devil fruit I came up with back in 2016? _'Could it?'_ Regardless, I decided I'd take it with me anyway and started making my way out of town.

Once I was on the outskirts of Loguetown, I looked at the Fruit in my hands, debating whether to eat it or sell it. If I sold it, I could get a good sum of money. However, if I ate it, I risked losing my ability to swim, all for a power that might not be one I want.

Eh, fuck it.

I took a bite and _dear god _it tasted horrible, like Mama June after hot yoga. I choked down the bite and waited to see what would happen.

Suddenly, I felt a dripping sensation. I looked at my hand, and to my horror, my skin was melting off! But it wasn't just my hand; the skin all over my body was just peeling itself off! Everything else came next: muscles, cartilage, even my eyeballs started liquefying and dripping out of their sockets. Thank God I left town because this would NOT be a pretty sight.

After another minute, the surprisingly painless body horror ended. Wait a minute… although I was nothing but bones, I could still move. I could also still think, walk, see, and, "Hello, world," I could even talk. Since my clothes were ruined, covered in melted flesh, I figured there was no harm in removing them because, after all, a skeleton with no clothes? Whoever questioned that?

All right, time to test out this fruit and see if it gave me all the powers I had thought up for it.

For the next few days, I trained constantly. I punched trees to see how strong I was, I leaped over houses to see how high I could jump, I timed myself to see how fast I could run, and a few other things. But still, something was missing from this picture.

'_I wonder when the Straw Hats will arrive,' _I thought. _'Are they at the Baratie? Are they at Cocoyashi Village? Could they be on their way to this town now?' _The anticipation was eating me up.

To pass the time, I went back to training… Just as I punched another tree, causing it to fall down, it seemed my waiting was over. It revealed a _certain _group of people standing behind it, all of them staring at me with varying degrees of surprise.

'_Well, guess I spoke too soon.'_

**Well, there you have it… my very first chapter. I know it's a little short, but I plan on making them longer in the future. Until next time. **


	2. Chapter 2 - Noobies

Chapter 2 - Noobies

As the Straw Hats and I continued to stare at each other, it became pretty awkward. I said the only thing I could think of to break the ice.

"Uh, hi?"

"HOLY CRAP, A LIVING SKELETON!" Luffy and Usopp shouted in excitement and fear respectively.

"Never a dull moment with this crew, is there?" Sanji muttered. Zoro shook his head in response.

"Here's an idea," I said, "How about we all calm down and introduce ourselves, okay? My name is Declan."

"My name is Luffy and I'm the captain of this crew," The rubber-man responded, he then gestured to the others. "And this is Nami, Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji. We're pirates."

"You guys are pirates?" I asked, acting clueless.

"Sure are, and_ you _are a skeleton," Luffy said. "Anyway, do you poop?"

We all stood there in silence, shocked at such an absurd question. I had only one response to it.

"Shouldn't you have, like, a _million_ other things to ask me besides something like _that_!?" I exclaimed.

I really should have seen his next question coming. "Ok, how about you join my crew?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" This time it was his crew that spoke up.

"Luffy, you can't just invite anything you want to join us!" Nami yelled. I felt kind of insulted being referred to as a 'thing', but whatever.

"Awww, come on, Nami, I'm the captain," Luffy whined. "I promise I'll water him, feed him, and take him for walks." This time I felt insulted for being referred to as a pet.

"Can we please take a moment to ask what a living skeleton is doing out here in the first place!?" Usopp shouted. I figured one of them would eventually ask that. I had a simple response to it.

"I ate a Devil Fruit," I answered.

"That doesn't explain why you're out here punching trees," he said.

"I only ate my fruit a few days ago," I explained. "So I came out here to test out my powers."

"Cool, so will you join my crew?" Luffy asked again.

"Sure," I said before addressing the rest of the crew. "And don't worry, I swear I won't be a burden."

Besides Luffy, the entire crew began to sweatdrop and gave me deadpan stares.

I calmly attempted to smooth things over by saying, "Come on, guys, don't look at me like that. I promise I'm a good guy." Followed up with, "How about I do some tricks? Would that win anyone over?"

All I got was silence.

"Ok, first, I'll need a volunteer. How about you?" I said pointing at Nami.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Just come over here." She did so.

"Hey," Sanji warned. "You better not try anything funny with her."

"No need to worry," I assured him. I then turned to face Nami. "Now, slap me."

She was obviously surprised by this. "What?"

"You heard me. Slap me across the face like a bitch."

She hesitated but decided to comply. Her hand hit my face and my head went spinning. Literally, my skull kept spinning 360 degrees over and over. I grabbed my skull to make the spinning stop and saw the crew looking at me in shock.

"And for my next trick," I said before darting behind a tree and then walking back out from behind it.

"Were you gonna follow that up with anything?" Zoro asked.

"Yes, I was," came a voice. My voice to be exact… and it came from behind the tree.

To Luffy's excitement and his crew's further shock, another skeleton walked out from behind the tree.

"What do you think?" The other skeleton and I asked in perfect sync with our identical voices. "I can clone myself," I said.

"WOAH, SO COOL!" Luffy was obviously sold. "Can you make more?"

"Sorry, I can only make one. I did give him a name though," I explained.

"What's his name then?"

"I call him Skeleton Buddy."

"Really? What kind of name is that?" Zoro asked incredulously.

Skeleton Buddy beat me to the answer, "It's a name I happen to like."

"Why?" Usopp questioned.

"Because it's hilarious," Skeleton Buddy and I both answered.

No one in the crew seemed to get the humor, so things weren't really going my way. Despite my best efforts to entertain them and show off my amazing talents, Luffy's crew still didn't seem so keen on Skeleton Buddy and I joining their gang.

Ignoring the skepticism from my new crewmates, I dispelled my copy-self and asked, "So, what's on our to-do list for today, Captain?"

"We're going to hit some stores in Loguetown for supplies, after that, we're headed for the Grand Line."

"Got it." With that, we all made our way into town.

"So, who handles the money for this crew?" I asked.

"That would be me. Why?" Nami asked in response.

"I'd like to go buy some transponder snails. That's why," I told her. "This crew may be kinda small right now, but I figure we're gonna keep growing; so we'll need to be able to stay in touch," I explained.

She obviously still didn't fully trust me, but she knew I had a point. She gave Zoro a hundred thousand beris for new swords and I got two hundred thousand for the snails.

We all split up to buy our stuff. I decided to head to the pet store I'd seen earlier, hoping they might have transponder snails there. As I walked, I noticed people stopping and staring at me… a living skeleton wandering through town will do that.

I found the pet shop. As I walked inside, a guy, who I assume was the cashier, was reading a newspaper. He hadn't noticed me yet. "Excuse me, sir?" I asked politely. "Do you have transponder snails?"

"Yep, they're in that section over the-" He stopped mid-sentence as he finally looked up from his paper at the skeleton standing before him.

"Don't freak out, man," I said, hoping he would keep his cool. "I just came here to buy some snails."

"Uuuuuh, ok," He muttered, clearly doubtful of me. "Like I said, snails are over there."

I went to where he pointed and started browsing. I eventually settled for three modestly priced, baby transponder snails.

"I'll take these three," I handed the money to the cashier, who was more at ease now.

"Nice choice," He replied, his eyes darting all around the store. When he saw we were the only ones in the place, he whispered to me. "Would you be interested in anything… exotic while you're here?"

If I still had eyes, I'd be narrowing them right now. "Go on," I said.

He gestured for me to follow him, walked over to the wall, and then opened up a secret door.

I followed him through and I was treated to a surprising sight. All sorts of animals, such as Puzzle Scorpions, Lapahns, and even a Kung-Fu Dugong, in addition to various species I didn't recognize. Ignoring how illegal all these must be; there was one creature that caught my nonexistent eye.

It resembled a ferret except it was a little bigger than normal. Its fur was mostly white, except for some red markings on its head, legs, and back. It had black sclera and red irises, but the most striking feature of all was its tail. Its tail was around twice as long as its body and had what I can only describe as _bladed vertebrae _covering half of it. In short, it looked just like a certain Yu-Gi-Oh! Card.

"I think I'll take that one," I said.

"Going with the fire ferret, eh?" He must have expected me to pick something else. "Interesting choice. There's also this to go with it if you want."

"What is it?" I wondered aloud. He was holding out what looked like some sort of high-tech collar.

"It's a talker collar," He said. "I'm sure you can guess what it does."

"Who would make something like this?" I asked.

"Well, rumor has it that the government scientist, Dr. Vegapunk, had a case of inventor's block at one point and he made a couple of these to try to inspire himself, but I'm not actually sure," he responded.

I nodded, and then quickly bought the fire ferret. Fortunately, it was cheap since it had been giving the shady store clerk a bit of trouble; throwing in the collar was an added benefit to entice some sucker like me into buying it. I may not have thought this purchase all the way through, but I was a little distracted by the idea of owning a Yu-Gi-Oh! Monster.

Exiting the store, I started looking for my new crew. As I made my way through town, I saw my reflection in a couple of store windows and compared myself with the other living skeleton of One Piece: Brook. I noticed two things: 1. My skull was designed a little more realistically than his and 2. Unlike him, I couldn't make any facial expressions at all.

I then decided to ask around for a Log Pose, knowing we'd need one to navigate the Grand Line's magnetic fields. Predictably, quite a few people got nervous when a living skeleton walked up and asked where to buy stuff.

"T-They're sold in that store over there," one frightened man finally told me.

After buying a Log Pose, draining the rest of the money Nami gave me, I remembered the business of my new acquaintance.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to put this collar on you." I grabbed the ferret by the scruff of its neck. The little thing squirmed a bit as I was putting it on, but it all worked out.

"Get this stupid thing o- wait, I can talk now?" she asked in a feminine voice. "Bitchin', this collar really works!"

"You're welcome," I said. "So, you have a name, or do I need to come up with one for you?"

"My name is Fencer," she clarified.

I just stood there for a few seconds, letting that _ridiculously coincidental _name sink in. "Uuuuh, ok," I managed to respond. "Anyway, I'm Declan and we need to get back to our crew's ship before they leave."

As we made our way through town to find our ship, I noticed it was raining when we passed by the wreckage of the execution platform. Hold on: The wreckage? The rain? That meant I had missed the scene where Luffy had a near-death experience! I can't believe I missed that; it was a really memorable moment in One Piece… How much time had I spent getting my stuff?!

I picked up the pace once I realized this meant the Marines would be after us. As I ran, I saw Zoro arguing with Tashigi. "_HIZORO!" _I said quickly as I dashed by. Zoro only spared me a glance while Tashigi gawked at the fact that a skeleton with a ferret on his shoulder just ran by.

Having just hatched a small idea, I started taking a more roundabout way to the ship. After going in a bit of a circle, hoping I knew where I was going, I caught sight of Smoker grasping Luffy with a cloud of smoke.

I tiptoed up behind the marine captain and grabbed his jitte. Although he noticed me as soon as I took his weapon, the distraction made him drop my captain. I swung the jitte and instead of turning to smoke and letting it pass through his intangible body, he dodged it normally. Not surprising, considering he knew it had sea-prism stone in it.

"Sorry for giving you an order, Captain, but you need to run, I'll be following," I said to Luffy while scanning the area for a certain someone.

"But Declan-" Luffy protested.

"Trust me, I have a plan!" I shouted, finally spotting the man I was looking for.

Whether it was from taking an order from a subordinate or leaving a new friend behind, Luffy frowned, but he did like I said and ran.

Smoker glared at me for ruining his catch, "He won't get far. When I'm done with you, he's next."

"Yeahyeahyeah, whatever," I said nonchalantly. "Hey look, it's Dragon the Revolutionary!"

Smoker's glare remained unchanged, "Do I look like a 5-year-old to you?"

I kept going. "No, I'm serious! He's up on that building over there, looking all cool!"

Smoker, still unfazed, looked like he was ready to attack me while Dragon, keeping his distance, actually seemed a little amused at the interaction.

I made the first move before Smoker could. I threw the jitte at him and started running as fast as I could.

I found my way to the shore with Smoker hot on my tail. I saw Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp there, with Luffy preparing his Gum-Gum Slingshot.

"WAIT FOR ME, GUYS!" I shouted, dashing towards them as Luffy launched himself and the crew.

I barely managed to jump into their path in order to get launched as well.

We all went flying towards the Going Merry, then landed in a tangled heap. As for me? I shattered to pieces when I hit the deck.

The sight of that shocked Nami and upset Luffy. Although the rest of the crew looked like they had mixed feelings about my apparent 'death'.

"Holy crap, Declan's dead!" Luffy shouted.

"No, I'm not," I said.

The crew slowly turned to where my skull had landed. Time to show off another trick of mine.

"Reassembly!" I shouted. Like magic, my bones levitated off the ground, floated towards each other, and put themselves together to reform me.

The crew's collective jaws dropped.

"Pretty cool, huh?" I said, trying not to brag.

"SO COOL!" Luffy shouted.

Suddenly, a cannonball landed near the ship. "Shit, the Marines are still firing!" Sanji yelled.

Nami snapped out of her stupor and started directing us to sail away.

"Usopp, take the helm! Sanji, Zoro, handle the rigging!"

I quickly realized why this was happening. By saving Luffy from Smoker myself, Dragon had no reason to intervene, meaning that the Marines' cannons were still intact.

I leapt into the air and knocked away a cannonball that would've hit the ship. Luffy realized what I was doing and started using his balloon technique to bounce cannonballs away. I knocked another cannonball away only for another to sail past me. I could only look, as it was about to hit our ship.

"I got this!" Fencer yelled. I had left her on deck when I started protecting the ship. She climbed up the mast and jumped toward the cannonball. She then did a vertical 360, slicing the ball in two with her tail and landing back on the deck.

Eventually, we got away and Nami spotted a light nearby.

"That light…it's a sign… of where our journey to the Grand Line truly begins!"

Sanji moved a barrel to middle of the deck, "Everybody, what do you say we mark an occasion like this?"

I walked out of the kitchen, having just put the transponder snails on the Merry's kitchen table for the time being and noticed everyone agreeing.

"I'm going… to find the All Blue!" Sanji declared, putting his foot on the barrel.

"I'm gonna be the King of the Pirates!"

"I'm going to be the world's greatest swordsman!"

"I'm going to draw a map of the whole world!"

"I'm going to be a brave warrior of the sea!"

They all looked at me.

"What about you, Declan?" Luffy asked.

"I…"

This part had slipped my mind. I've never had any big dreams, so I didn't know how I could contribute to this. I was frozen.

"Psst, say something, dummy," Fencer whispered loudly to me.

I thought fast and just made something up.

"I…just want to spend time with my friends," I said softly.

That was good enough for Luffy, though the rest of the crew didn't seem impressed. Looks like I've still got a long way to go until I'm truly one of them.

"Alright then," Luffy announced. "OFF TO THE GRAND LINE!"

Almost immediately after saying that, he took notice of Fencer.

"Hey, Declan, what's that thing?"


	3. Chapter 3 - Off to the Grand Line!

Chapter 3

After I explained to everyone what Fencer was and why she could talk, we got back to sailing. The rainstorm hadn't let up, but that didn't stop anyone from performing their ship duties. Usopp was manning the whipstaff, Zoro was handling the rigging, then joined Luffy, Sanji and I in rowing when the wind stopped moving in the direction we needed.

Less than an hour later, Nami assembled us in the cabin for an update.

"Alright, listen everybody," she said. "I've studied this map and given it some thought and I'm certain that the only way into the Grand Line is up a mountain."

"But…h-how is that possible?" Usopp asked, trying to get the whipstaff to budge.

"Why are you questioning what is and isn't possible when you've got a rubber man and a living skeleton on your crew?" I countered. "You picked a weird place to draw the line. We're gonna see a LOT of weird shit coming our way."

"Yeah, I'm a ferret that has fire powers and can talk using this little gizmo," Fencer added, gesturing to her collar. "So you really need to keep an open mind."

Nami then continued her explanation of how sailing up Reverse Mountain worked. I tried listening, but this stuff flew over my head when I watched the show; I didn't really care _how _the water flowed up the mountain so I never really paid attention. That's why it's still flying over my head now.

"And you're sure this is actually possible?" Zoro asked, still skeptical.

"Quiet, Moss head. If Nami thinks it's possible, then it's possible," Sanji growled.

As Nami continued on about how dangerous this route would be, Usopp continued to work the whipstaff in the back of the cabin but was making little progress. "Hey, could someone help me with the rudder? The damn thing's stuck."

"Sure, but first," I walked over to Luffy, seeing that no one else was getting back to work. "Hey, Luffy, why don't you go out on the deck and keep an eye out for Reverse Mountain."

"What's that?"

Seriously? I'm surprised he hadn't been listening since I'm pretty sure he listened in canon. "It's this big, wide, red mountain that's so tall it reaches the clouds and it's got a canal running up it. Can you do that?"

"Uh… Ok."

With that, he went out on deck to keep a lookout, leaving Usopp and me to try our luck with the rudder. The rest of the crew just milled about, passing the time in their own ways. Sanji went to the kitchen, Zoro just napped, and Fencer was using my ribcage like a jungle gym. Nami, however, seemed to have something else in mind.

"Hey, could you come with me?" she asked me. Considering I was already busy helping Usopp, I thought this would be a perfect time for the crew to start getting used to Skeleton Buddy. I made him appear so he could go with her. She looked like she was about to protest so I just told her, "There's no reason to complain, he's identical to me in every possible way. He acts like me, thinks like me, and knows everything I know. We're completely in sync."

"Yeah, so don't' judge me… clones are people too," Skeleton Buddy said, adding his own two cents.

Although she didn't seem satisfied, she decided to just roll with it.

_Linebreak_

Nami led Skeleton Buddy into the map room for a little more privacy. Once they were there, SB got the conversation started.

"So, what's up?" he asked.

"What are you after?"

"…Eh?"

"You heard me," She said. "Why did you really join this crew? And don't give me that 'spending time with friends' excuse, I know you just made that up."

"How would you know that?" he replied without missing a beat.

"You paused before you announced your goal. I've met plenty of wanna-be con artists that hesitate before they lie."

'_Ok, think fast. What do I tell her? Uuuuuuuhh… I think my only options are to either A. make up another excuse or B. have her be the first person I tell about Declan being from another world,' _SB thought.

After a couple more seconds, he made his choice.

"Hmmm…..I guess I can tell you why Declan really joined the crew. He _has _been a little eager to tell you guys. He just didn't know how to break it to you," he said.

"Well, I'm listening,"

"Ok, you've heard of famous books like _A Boy and His Dog_ and _Watership Down_, right?" he asked.

"What does that have to do with you joining our crew?" Nami asked.

"Just bear with me," SB said. "Now, imagine that there are planets or dimensions or universes or whatever where the characters and events of those stories are real. You still with me?" he asked. She sighed and nodded somewhat impatiently.

"Well, Declan is from a place where there's this manga called One Piece, which details the adventures of a boy named Luffy and his crew. Then, one day, he woke up to find himself in a world where the story was real and decided he wanted to join Luffy's crew because that would kick ass," he finished.

Nami was…taken aback. Although she quickly regained her composure and realized how ridiculous that sounded. With a deep breath, she spat, "I thought I made it clear I didn't want anymore lies."

"Alright then," SB said, understanding her frustration, "Would you believe me if I told you something I shouldn't know?"

She crossed her arms. "Ok, shoot."

"Your adoptive mother's name was Bell-Mere," SB said. Nami stood frozen, staring in disbelief. He kept going. "You care so much about that tangerine garden on deck because it was hers. You love money so much because you grew up poor. Your adopted sister-"

"Alright!" Nami said loudly, looking a little shaken by how much the skeleton knew. "This is fucked up, but I believe you."

"Now that you know the truth about Declan, do you think you can trust us a little more?" SB asked with a bit of hope in his voice. "I, and by extension, Declan, want to tell the rest of the crew about this soon."

"I… I don't know… I need some time to think about this," Nami said, walking out of the room. SB just sighed and followed her out.

_Linebreak_

When Nami got back, I had Skeleton Buddy disappear, absorbing his memories. Now I know that he told Nami about my origins. Moving past the surprise of that, I prepared myself to deliver some other very bad news.

"_WHAT?!_ WE'RE IN THE CALM BELT?!" she shrieked. "EVERYONE, GRAB AN OAR AND START ROWING!"

"Why the rush?" Zoro asked.

"TALK LATER, ROW NOW!" she ordered.

Sanji, Zoro, Luffy, and I grabbed the oars as she commanded. As we started rowing, I took the chance to answer Zoro, since we were sitting together. "Sea kings live in the Calm Belt, Zoro," I said tersely. "Lots and lots of sea kings." Our swordsman turned a little pale at hearing that. We rowed for a few minutes before the ship jerked up as if we had hit a speed bump. Obviously, it wasn't a speed bump, which meant it was-SPLASH-not what I expected. The creature that surfaced beside us wasn't a sea king; it was far too small to be that, granted it still dwarfed the Merry. It was blue with a white underbelly and burnt orange trim. It had a cobra-looking frill, with a long neck and a head that just _barely _resembled a crocodile's. And while it seemed to have a somewhat serpentine build, it reared up out of the water enough for us to see its forelimbs.

This thing looked just like a lagiacrus from Monster Hunter. What the hell? First, there's Fencer, who's from a trading card game, and now there's a monster from a video game? What kind of version of One Piece did I land in?

"Holy cra-" Usopp shouted, but the leviathan gently clamped its forelegs down on the railing, stretched its long neck so that its face was right in front of him, and growled, shutting him up quickly.

"He says 'shut up,'" Fencer said.

"You understand it?" Nami asked, bewildered.

"Well yeah. I'm an animal too, remember? He's got a weird accent, but I understood him," Fencer elaborated.

The lagiacrus now had its attention on Fencer, apparently having heard her say she understood it. It let out some more growls and a, for lack of a better term, _quiet_ roar. Fencer nodded as he went on.

"Ok, he said he wondered into this area absent-mindedly and now he's trying to sneak out before any of the 'big guys' spot him," she translated.

If Zoro was surprised, then he was hiding it well. "Never thought we'd be having a conversation with a sea king," he commented under his breath.

"Trust me, Zoro. This isn't a sea king," I told him, amused by his mix-up.

The chat between the fire ferret and the leviathan continued for another minute or so before it apparently ended. "Deal. He said he'll tow us out of the Calm Belt, but we owe him a favor later," Fencer said. "By the way, I don't think we caught your name." she followed up. The lagiacrus made another vocalization, to which she nodded.

Luffy stretched out his arms, wrapping them around two of the sea monster's back spikes, while Zoro and I held onto him to make sure he didn't get pulled overboard. Within minutes, we were out of the Calm Belt, and into the storm we had been in earlier. Soon after, the lagiacrus stopped towing us and departed. We waved to it and got back to sailing.

"Hey, what did he say his name was?" I was surprised with myself for not asking that sooner.

"He said his name was Greg," she answered.

_'Weirdly casual name for a monster,' _I thought to myself.

From the crow's nest, we heard Luffy shout, "HEY, I SEE THAT MOUNTAIN THINGY THAT DECLAN TALKED ABOUT!"

And there it was. The Red Line. It was quite a sight. Geography in One Piece has always confused me but this was still amazing. Oh, who am I kidding? I didn't actually care that much. To me, it was just a big, red mountain and not much else. Everybody else, however, was mesmerized

"Guys! We need to turn to starboard! We're still a little off!" our captain yelled.

Usopp and I snapped out of our daze and made for the whipstaff. We pulled and pulled and…

_SNAP! _It broke.

"Now what do we do?!" I yelled despite knowing what would come next. I pretty much said that to add a little drama.

"GUM-GUM BALOON!" Luffy shouted, having now set himself between the ship and the rock face. His inflation technique cushioned the impact against the wall and allowing our ship to slide by.

Seconds later, we were zooming up the mountain. "THIS IS SO COOL!" I couldn't help but shout. Everyone else clearly agreed. Soon we were past the clouds and then we were on the top of the mountain. Then, almost as soon as we reached the top, we started speeding downwards.

"HELL YEAH! I FEEL SO ALIVE RIGHT NOW!" Fencer yelled over the rushing winds.

"SO DO I!"

"ME TOO!"

"ALRIGHT!"

Luffy, Usopp, and I contributed. Zoro and Sanji were just smiling. Nami looked a little distracted; I wonder if the news Skeleton Buddy had given her was still weighing on her mind. It was then that I noticed something. It sounded like music.

"What the hell is that!?" I had to yell over the roaring wind.

"What's what!?" Sanji answered.

"That music! I can't be the only one hearing it!" I recognized this music. It was the stuff that had played during this scene in the anime. I didn't know the name of it or any of the pieces in One Piece's soundtrack for that matter.

"That's the background music!" Zoro said.

"Where's it coming from?!" I asked.

"No one really knows!" answered Usopp. Suddenly, a strange noise was heard before I could ask more questions.

"woooohhhh"

"What the hell was that?" Fencer asked.

"No idea," Zoro said.

I knew what it was, but I decided to dick around with the crew first.

"I think it's the song of a whale, guys," I said.

The reaction from the crew went like so.

"YOU'RE CRAZY!"

"NO WAY!"

"ARE YOU STUPID!?"

"I'm serious!" Time for the part where I really mess with them. "I would know what a whale's song sounds like because I… have been to an aquarium."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" the whole crew shouted.

Nami marched over to me, grabbed my shoulder tightly, and pulled me close. "What's really making that noise, Mr. 'I-know-everything'?" she asked harshly.

Looks like revealing the truth about myself hadn't lowered hostility after all. I got serious, "I really wasn't joking. That noise really is being made by-

"BWOOOOOH!"

"-by a whale. You'll see I'm right in about ten seconds."

I then pointed to the bow of the ship. There was a large dark mass in our path being obscured by the fog.

"Is that a mountain up ahead!?" Usopp shouted in fear.

"It's not a mountain! It's a whale!" I yelled. Damn, I knew from watching the anime that he made the ship look small by comparison, but this was something else. This thing looked like a giant, cartoony-looking sperm whale.

As the crew looked on in awe of the great beast before us, I had just one thing to say.

"TOLD YOU SO!"

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece. It belongs to Eiichiro Oda. Fencing Fire Ferret belongs to Konami. Lagiacrus belongs to Capcom.**

**This is how you give a disclaimer, right?**


	4. Chapter 4 - A Whale of a Time

Chapter 4

**For the record, I'm well aware of how lame of a pun this chapter's name is.**

"WE'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR THE WHALE!" screamed Usopp.

"WE HAVE TO STEER PAST IT!" Nami shouted.

"THE WHIPSTAFF STILL WON'T BUDGE!" yelled Sanji, having gone to the main cabin to help Usopp. Unfortunately, they weren't having any luck pushing the broken stump.

An idea popped into my head… I made my way from the upper deck to where Sanji and Usopp were. Perhaps I could grab the broken whipstaff with my arm, detach said arm, and use it as a makeshift handle. '_Hmmm, that actually could work._' As I was about to enact my plan, something occurred to me… If we successfully maneuver past Laboon, then he'll never swallow us, meaning we'll never meet Crocus or possibly even Vivi, and if we don't meet her, then we'll never save her kingdom.

'_Damn.' _Having to think that far ahead just gave me a headache. I guess the only thing I can do is to have this part play out like in the show.

Realizing we couldn't evade the whale, Usopp raced to the cannon and fired a shot. The recoil slowed us down but didn't stop us completely. We kept heading towards the whale and bumped into it.

SNAP

Aaaaaaand the Merry's figurehead is busted.

"MY SPECIAL SEAT!"

Aaaaaaand now Luffy's pissed off. Which means that he'll-

SMACK

-punch the whale right in the eye.

"YOU IDIOT!" the whole crew, excluding me, shouted.

Unfortunately, he had gotten the whale's attention now. It opened its mouth and started swallowing water, causing our ship to sway as we got sucked in.

"OH CRAP!" Luffy yelled as he began to fall over the edge. "I'M FALLING!" Way to state the obvious, Captain.

I plucked Fencer off my shoulder and threw her at Luffy. "WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!" she barked…she was justifiably pissed at the lack of warning. "Keep an eye on him for us!" I called back.

And just like that, Laboon sucked us in. It was kind of like a pitch-black roller coaster, but not nearly as fun. Once we started slowing down, Zoro decided to do a roll call.

"Is everyone still on the ship? Usopp?"

"I'm here."

"Crap cook?"

"Go to hell, Mosshead."

"Witch?"

"Screw you too!"

"Good, then we're all here," Zoro seemed satisfied.

"Um, I'm here too," I pointed out.

"…Guys, don't say anything bad about the skeleton, he's still here," Sanji said.

You know, I don't recall the crew being this rude to other self-inserts.

Suddenly, there was light again and we could all see the sky.

"I-Is that really the sky?" Usopp squeaked.

Nami gave me a questioning look and I realized she must have been expecting me to have the answer to what was going on. I decided to comply.

"I think we're inside the whale's stomach, guys," I said.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sanji replied in disbelief.

"Oh, yeah?" I challenged. "If we're really not in the whale's belly, then why is the "water" around us green now?" I did air quotes for the word 'water.'

The crew rushed over to the railing upon hearing this, checking to see if I was right. Unfortunately, a giant squid decided to erupt from the sea the moment they got near the railing.

"Oh crap!" Usopp screamed in terror.

Nami, Sanji, and Zoro braced themselves for a fight, but before they could do anything, three harpoons pierced the squid from behind, killing it.

"Well, now that that's settled, I wonder how Luffy and Fencer are doing," I thought aloud.

_Line Break_

Luffy and Fencer were in a fairly bizarre situation. Moments ago, they had been on top of the whale's head, and when it started submerging, it looked like they had nowhere to go. Fortunately, they spotted a door on the whale's head and, not having time to give it a second thought, entered it.

"Phew. I don't know why this whale has a door in its head, but I'm glad it did," Luffy sighed in relief.

"We can question how the whale has a door and an entire hallway in its head later. Right now, we need to find our friends," Fencer instructed.

Seconds after she said that, the hallway started tilted downward and upward repeatedly, causing the duo to bounce around like a pair of pinballs. Luffy was starting to get dizzy from all the bouncing and Fencer could feel a couple of bruises forming under her fur. Thinking fast, she latched onto her captain's vest tightly.

"Enough!" she yelled, stabbing her tail into the wall, stopping them abruptly. Luffy had never seen her do something like this and was floored by the fact he had such an awesome crewmate.

"Whoa, I got such a cool piece of tail on my crew!"

"Dude, did you just hit on me?"

"What are you talking about? I didn't hit you."

"Wh…but y…ugh. Never mind. Let's just keep moving," Fencer said, stunned by Luffy's cluelessness.

After about a minute of walking, the two saw another pair of people some distance away. Getting a little closer, they saw that one was a man in a green suit, with a crown on his head, and two nines on his cheeks. The other was a young woman who had her blue hair in a ponytail. She was wearing a light green jacket over her blue top and had white boots. Lastly, both of them were carrying large guns.

In typical Luffy fashion, he began to approach the duo. "Hey look… people." Before Fencer could protest, the gun-wielding pair already had them in their sights and immediately fired shots at the two Straw Hats.

Fencer quickly hopped off of Luffy's shoulder. "Time to fight!" she shouted. Luffy threw a gum-gum pistol, hitting the blue-haired girl right in the face, knocking her out cold. The crowned man was about to fire another shot in retaliation, but before he could, Fencer set her tail on fire and slashed, sending a flaming crescent of wind at the man. It gashed his chest, sending him back into the wall and knocking him out as well.

Luffy just gawked at the sight of such an attack.

"SO COOL!"

"Thank you. Thank you very much. Now, I say we take them prisoner," Fencer said.

"Why?"

"Because we knocked them out. If we just leave them here and they wake up, they might come back for revenge," the fire ferret explained.

"Wow, you kick butt AND you're smart? You're the coolest team pet ever," Luffy beamed.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING 'PET'?!"

Then the whale started lurching again.

_Line Break_

The strange man who'd killed the squid ended up exchanging death glares and empty threats with the crew multiple times. Although I had enjoyed Crocus's running gag, I couldn't say the same for the rest of the gang. After we had established that he was indeed just messing with them, he explained that Laboon was an island whale and then pointed us to where the exit was. The crew kept expressing disbelief at how unreal the situation felt and I didn't really blame them. I mean, a man living in a whale because he was able to partially hollow it out, then painting the stomach lining and making a small island to live on inside of it? Crazy. Just crazy.

While the old man had been explaining this, I started scanning the area around us, looking for a different door; the one Luffy would end up crashing through in canon. Once I spotted it, I made Skeleton Buddy appear and had him direct the ship towards it.

The crew quickly realized we were moving, but before they could do anything, the acid sea we were in started getting turbulent. Crocus sighed, "He's doing it again."… I knew what came next.

As anticipated, Fencer and Luffy came busting through the door that wasn't the exit. I noticed that they were headed straight for the ship with Vivi and Mr. 9 in tow. After their crash landing, Fencer crawled her way out of the resulting pile.

"What's up, bitches?" she greeted.

"Hey there," I walked over to them, put Fencer on my shoulder, and helped my captain up.

"You guys are still alive. Good. For a little while, I thought you were goners," he said casually.

I responded with, "Could've been, but we're not."

"Hey, who's the old guy?" At the same time Luffy noticed Crocus, Crocus spotted the two 'guests' Luffy had brought with him.

"Those two again?" the old man complained, "When will they give up?"

"You know these two?" Zoro deadpanned. "They friends of yours?"

"I'm quite familiar with them, yes," Crocus clarified, "But they are not my friends. They've been trying to kill Laboon for some time now."

_Flashback_

_Miss Wednesday and Mr. 9 grinned. They had just made their way into Laboon's corridor and were looking for any spots that seemed particularly vulnerable._

"_Going somewhere?" a voice behind them asked._

_They froze and slowly turned around, seeing Crocus standing behind them with a harpoon._

_Mr. 9 shouted, "But…we saw you leave to go get supplies!"_

"_I had a feeling you two were lurking nearby, so I came back early," Crocus glared._

_Several minutes later, the duo appeared outside the whale, badly beaten._

"_If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. YOU WILL NEVER HARM LABOON!" Crocus declared._

_Flashback End_

"What the hell was that?" I was stunned.

"What was what?" Crocus asked.

"What we just saw, that's what," I clarified.

"You mean the flashback?"

"Yes, that! How come we could see it?!"

"Are flashbacks not visible where you're from, boy?"

"Uuuuuuh, no," I deadpanned. At this point, the frontier agents we had on board were starting to wake up.

"Uuuuugh, what happened?" Vivi, or should I say Miss Wednesday asked.

"My captain and I knocked you out, that's what happened," Fencer retorted.

Mr. 9 looked at Fencer in disbelief, "What the hell? How can a fire ferret be talking?"

"I think _we'll _be asking the questions here," I said smugly.

Nami chose this moment to pull me back. "Just tell us who they are," she quietly ordered. I still don't get the hostility.

"You know what? I'll do you one better," I whispered back.

"Can I have everybody's attention?" I said loudly. Once I saw that I had everyone's focus, I made my announcement. "These two right here are called Mr. 9 and Miss Wednesday and they work for an organization called Baroque Works. Oh, and before any of you go thinking I'm crazy, just take a look at these two; why did they go deathly pale when I outted them?" True to my word, the officer agents looked ready to faint upon hearing how much I knew. Usopp opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it.

"Also, Zoro knows almost exactly what I'm talking about."

Everyone looked at Zoro when I said that. Should I feel bad for putting him on the spot like that? I may know from watching One Piece that Zoro was approached by Baroque Works to join them, but the rest of the crew didn't know that.

"Wait a second, guys!" Jeez, this is gonna make me sound even crazier. "I just remembered we should sail out of the whale before our ship gets digested!" I had talked about things I shouldn't have known, put Zoro in the spotlight, and then given an unrelated order immediately after. The crew started eying me funny; they're probably beginning to think I've genuinely have lost my mind.

Without incident, Zoro, Sanji, and Nami sailed us out of the whale's belly while Usopp, Fencer, and I acted as guards for our prisoners. I had dispelled Skeleton Buddy when we got outside but made him reappear to stop our captain when I saw he was getting a little too close to that whatchamacallit fish Sanji bought in Loguetown. No point in letting that particular scene to play out.

Once we had settled down, Fencer was still kind of pissed at me for throwing her without warning and burned my collarbone a little to make a point. Then the questions started coming. "Hey, Declan, how'd you know that stuff about these guys?" Luffy asked, gesturing to our prisoners.

Usopp chimed in, "Come to think of it, you also knew right away that we were in the whale's stomach."

"You also claimed Mosshead could back you up on what you said about our guests, which he has yet to deny," Sanji said, looking from me to Zoro.

"Well guys, I have an explanation for that, as well as a proposition. How about I tell you how I know all this stuff the next time we get a new crew member? Which I believe will happen in about a week or two," I made the offer like that just because I didn't want to have to explain it to Chopper all over again when he joined.

The crew didn't look satisfied with having to wait that long, so I decided to give them some more knowledge to ease their minds.

"Would it make anyone feel better if I dealt out some more information? I'll start by telling our navigator about this," I pulled out the Log Pose I'd bought in Loguetown.

"Where were you hiding that?" Sanji questioned.

"What do you mean?" I asked in response.

"You're not wearing any clothes and as a skeleton, you don't really have any body cavities, so how did you have that on your person?"

"That's not important. Moving on, Nami, come hither," before she came over, I made Skeleton Buddy appear and since he's me, he knew my plan; he went over to Luffy and recruited him for the task I had in mind. Meanwhile, Nami had approached me as I called Crocus over in case I needed any help explaining the Log Pose.

"Nami, the Grand Line has super-crazy magnetic fields that make a normal compass useless. This is because every island in the Grand Line has its own magnetic field. A Log Pose like this records each island's magnetic field after a varying amount of time and then locks on to the next. Hey, Crocus, did I explain all that right?" He nodded. "Good." For a first-timer, Nami seemed to be quickly absorbing this information. "Alright, Crocus, would you mind showing Nami how to pick our starting point? I'm gonna check on the prisoners," I said. "Hey, Zoro! Are our prisoners still imprisoned?"

"Yeah!" he called back.

_Line Break_

As Luffy and Skeleton Buddy walked toward the island whale, the rubber-man asked, "What are we doing, Declan?" SB was about to correct Luffy but figured that, as a clone, it was fine to go by the original's name.

"We're about to make friends with a whale, Luffy," he answered.

"Really? Why?"

"Because he needs some new friends. You see, 50 years ago, this whale was friends with another group of pirates. Eventually, the pirates set out for the Grand Line, but since Laboon was a baby at the time, they couldn't take him with them. However, they promised they'd come back."

"Did they come back?" Luffy asked.

"No, they didn't. For one reason or another, they didn't come back. That's why Laboon keeps head-butting the Red Line; he thinks it's blocking his friends from coming back and that if he smashes it, they can return."

Luffy's expression had turned solemn but then lightened up a bit. SB could practically see the light bulb that appeared above his head. The straw-hatted boy started walking back towards the ship.

"What are you gonna do, Captain?" SB asked.

"I'm gonna fight that whale."

The living skeleton adopted a flat tone of voice, "You're not gonna use the ship's mast as a weapon are you?"

"Yeah."

"Please don't. I know you wanna give Laboon a new purpose in life, but it'll be bad for the Merry. Can't you use something else? Like that big rock over there, or that other big rock over there? Maybe one of those guns our prisoners had with them?"

The captain responded with a flat, "Nope."

SB sighed, seeing that this was going to go the same way it did in canon.

_Line Break_

I approached the Officer Agents, trying to think of things I could say to them. Should I put them on edge with more of my foreknowledge? Threaten them into submission? Try and get friendly with them? The two glared at me as I approached. One crack of wood later and I saw Luffy running toward Laboon with the ship's mast, with the rest of the crew yelling, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Skeleton Buddy must've been unable to talk him out of breaking the mast. Oh well, nothing I can do about that. I needed to deal with this.

Before the two could speak, I spoke first, "No, I'm not going to let you go…Princess," Vivi's pupils shrank upon hearing that. "That's right. I know exactly who you are, girl," I said in a menacing tone before turning things to something a little more upbeat. "Anyway, wanna be friends? I'm Declan and this is Fencer," the fire ferret in question waved at Vivi. Had the duo been standing up, I'm sure they would have facefaulted at that, so they just sweatdropped. "Aw come on, don't look at me like that. Tell you what, how about as a gesture of goodwill, we take you to Whiskey Peak?"

"Wait, how do you know about that place?" Mr. 9 was appropriately shocked.

"And why would you help us get there anyway?" Vivi continued.

"Well, first, I just said as a gesture of goodwill and second, heading there is the very first step to us saving your kingdom," I answered. Vivi looked ready to faint at that.

I turned my head to see that Luffy had finished his fight with Laboon and was in the process of painting our Jolly Roger on the whale's head. Wow, time kinda flew during this little chat. I turned back to our prisoners.

"So, how about it, can we be friends?" I asked hopefully.

Mr. 9 just laughed. I don't blame him; I hadn't been very subtle or tactful. I'm sure he and Vivi will come around; either now, or when we start kicking ass in Whiskey Peak.

I joined the crew in preparing for our next adventure. Before long, Luffy had finished painting Laboon's head, then promised to fight him again and Nami had the Log Pose set for our course. We quickly said our goodbyes to Crocus and finally set sail.


	5. Chapter 5 - Whiskey Business

Chapter 5

"How can it be snowing?! It was sunny just a moment ago!" seconds after Nami shouted that, the blizzard of snow turned to rain and lightning.

"What the hell is with this ocean? It's like all the laws of nature just went out the window," Nami stated, having calmed herself down a little.

Usopp and Luffy were playing in the snow that had accumulated on the deck, Zoro was napping, Sanji was shoveling snow, and Mr. 9 and Vivi, or I guess I should say Miss Wednesday at this point, had somehow persuaded Fencer to act as a makeshift heater for them.

"Sanji, take the helm and turn the ship 180 degrees! We've gotten turned around!" Nami directed.

In the minute it took to do that, yet another obstacle appeared.

"ICEBERG!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

Time to show off. I created Skeleton Buddy and sent him over to Zoro, who was still sound asleep.

I, on the other hand, headed for the bow of the ship.

"Everybody calm down! I know it looks like we're boned, but I've got this; hey, Luffy, grab my spine!" my captain grabbed my lumbar vertebrae…which is fancy talk for the bones in my lower back.

"Alright, when I break that iceberg, reel me in, ok?"

"You can do that?" he asked.

Rather than answer verbally, I ran and jumped off the bow of the ship. I raised my fists above my head, waited for what I thought was the right moment, and brought my fists down on the iceberg.

It worked like a charm. The iceberg cracked and then broke. Luffy reeled me in like I told him too and he was beaming once I was back on deck. "THAT WAS SO COOL!"

Usopp chimed in with a question of his own, "How strong are you?"

I wish I had eyebrows to waggle right now, "I drink a lot of milk."

Meanwhile, Skeleton Buddy was standing in front of the sleeping Zoro. First, he decided to confirm something that was already kinda obvious. "Hey, Nami! Want me to wake Zoro up!?"

"Hell yes!" was the response he got.

SB grabbed Zoro by the collar of his shirt and started shaking him.

"WAKE UP, YOU DRUNK MOTHERFUCKER!" when he saw that that got nothing out of the green-haired swordsman, he decided to go another route.

He took a step back. "Zoro, I, the Wado-Ichimonji, command you to wake up," he declared.

Zoro immediately woke up, "Yes, master."

Then he became aware of what was going on…and then he noticed everyone staring at him, trying to hold in laughter.

Zoro blushed hard and slugged SB, who proved too slow to dodge.

After that, we continued our struggles against the weather. Having Zoro awake and contributing really was great, seeing as how we needed all the help we could get.

Eventually, the weather cleared up and everyone collapsed, exhausted from trying to keep the ship on course. I felt fine. I guess that's one of the benefits of not having muscles. You don't get sore.

I decided it was time to follow up on something I'd said at Reverse Mountain.

"Hey, Zoro. Would you mind telling us what you know about our guests?"

"You're the one who apparently knows everything. So how about _you_ tell us what _you _know," I really hadn't expected a comeback like that.

I looked at the two Baroque Works agents, who were once again looking nervous now that the subject had been brought up.

"If you guys are too nervous, feel free to just jump off the ship and swim."

They didn't respond. That's just sad. It's one thing to be nervous when someone knows your dirty little secrets, but I think it's another thing to just freeze up altogether.

"Ok, as I said before at Reverse Mountain, these two are part of a group called Baroque Works. They seem so freaked out because its such a secretive group that no one is supposed to know it exists," I explained. While I had everyone's attention on me, I dispelled Skeleton Buddy.

"The place we're taking them, Whiskey Peak, is their home. Once we- wait, guys, could we meet in the kitchen? Crewmembers only?" I said, glancing at our guests.

I filed us into the kitchen. Before anyone could say anything, I said, "The reason I got us in here is that when I tell you guys about Baroque Works, I don't want those clowns warning their cohorts when we arrive in Whiskey Peak." I feel like I've been kind of pushy with the crew lately.

"Can you tell us about Broke Works now?" Luffy asked. Seemed like he was getting a little impatient. I didn't bother pointing out that he got the name wrong.

"Whiskey Peak is a trap for pirates like us. The people there will act nice, but they'll eventually try and drug us so they can turn us in for our bounties."

"Are you sure about that?" Sanji asked skeptically.

"Yes, I am. So…anyone have a plan?"

They all facefaulted at that.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" they shouted.

"Look, I may know a lot of stuff, but I'm not that great at strategizing, so I'm looking for suggestions." That wasn't entirely true; I actually did have at least one or two details of this arc planned for.

"Seriously, dude?" Fencer seemed almost disappointed.

"Yeah, the only plan I have is to just play along with the townsfolk when they say they celebrate pirates. Also, if they throw us a feast or a party, don't eat or drink anything, it'll be drugged."

The crew still looked doubtful of me. I don't really have anyone to blame for it but myself. After all, I was basically giving them instructions despite not being the captain, and not giving them my source of information probably hurt my case too.

When we went back outside, Mr. 9 and Miss Wednesday were gone. Judging by how close we were getting to shore, they probably took the chance to bail on us.

"Hey, if we were all in there, who was steering the ship while we were talking? Was it the other Declan?" Luffy asked.

That question left us all dumbstruck because 1. It was a really good question and 2. Luffy was the one who pointed it out.

"Uh, Luffy? I made Skeleton Buddy disappear before we started talking. I think the Merry was steering herself," I theorized.

"What are you talking about? Ships can't steer themselves," Usopp said.

"You forget, Usopp. The Merry is no ordinary ship," I said, putting a hand on the railing. Usopp's eyes widened a little bit, having been reminded of his faith in the Merry.

A short while later, we got close enough to make landfall. Once we did, the island's occupants flooded out and greeted us _very _warmly. "HOORAY!" "WELCOME!" "HUZZAH!"

This felt _really _awkward. I've never had a crowd cheering for me like this, sincere or not. It made me feel anxious.

I could tell by the smiles on their faces and the gleams in their eyes that Usopp, Luffy, and Sanji were already being won over by the cheering crowd. I wrapped my arms around the three. "Come on, guys. We went over this already and even if we hadn't, I shouldn't have to tell you that this is too good to be true."

"Ah, quiet shitty skeleton," Sanji rebuffed.

Soon after, we exited our ship and met 'Iggarapoi', the 'mayor' of Whiskey Peak and then the party was about to begin. But first…

"Excuse me, guys. I'll be right back," I took Fencer off my shoulder, put her on the ground, and then I headed for the ship.

After I got back to the group, Nami asked me, "What were you doing?"

I gave her my pre-planned response.

"I was shaving my beard."

_Line Break_

These goons-in-sheep's-clothing certainly knew how to throw a party. It had been hours since it started, but it was still going strong.

The crew had ignored my warning and indulged in the refreshments and activities: Nami and Zoro were outdrinking any and all challengers, Sanji was flirting with all the ladies, Usopp was telling false tales of his bravery, and Luffy was just pigging out. Oh well. I knew Zoro and Nami wouldn't succumb to the spiked drinks and I guess I could just try waking up Luffy, Usopp, and Sanji once the fighting started.

I had used the time to think of what I could do during the events of this arc. Then I finally came up with something.

Once the crew had all passed out, I simply asked the nearest partygoer where a bed was. The guy was happy to show me to one, believing I was falling for the trap.

While I got into the bed, I whispered to Fencer, "Pretend to fall asleep."

We only had to wait what I assume was 10 minutes before we heard footsteps coming towards us. When they stopped, I threw my blanket at the guy, distracting him long enough for me to knock him out with a punch to the kisser.

"Ok Fencer, here's the plan: you go and help Zoro fight all those mooks outside, _not that he needs it_," I muttered that last part, "while I go and wake the rest of the crew up. Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

With that, we parted ways.

_Line Break_

Fencer made her way outside. Simply by following the sound of gunfire, she started heading to where Zoro was. Along the way, she encountered two bounty hunters wielding swords. "Hey, look! It's the Straw Hats' fire ferret!" "I'm gonna cook it and eat it!"

Fencer gained a tick mark at hearing that. _'Oh hell no.' _"You bitches are the ones that are gonna be cooked." Her entire body caught fire and then she charged at one of the guys, slamming into him headfirst. The man stumbled back; coughing up a little blood while Fencer rebounded off him and tackled the other bounty hunter, getting the same result. Fencer looked over her handiwork; both guys were out cold with burn marks on their chests. Nodding to herself, she continued following the sounds of battle, which led her up onto the roof of a nearby building, where she found the swordsman.

When she got there, she saw Zoro staring down Miss Wednesday, who was standing on a giant duck and using moves fit for a belly dancer.

The fire ferret didn't know what to make of the sight until she saw the swordsman drop to his knees, clearly affected by the pink mist that seemed to be coming from Wednesday. Figuring she ought to do something, she ran towards the Baroque Works agent, jumped at her and cut off the dancing woman's ponytail with her bladed tail. Miss Wednesday froze.

Fencer's offensive move snapped Zoro out of his daze, causing him to notice the fire ferret, who was giggling at the sight. "Pff," she snickered, "that little 'haircut' makes her look a bit like our navigator."

Miss Wednesday was still frozen in place. Zoro returned his gaze to the blue-haired agent, "Oh yeah, I can kinda see that."

During the fray, Igarapoi had snuck onto the scene and was ready to fire his sax when he and the two pirates realized that Miss Wednesday had gained a red aura.

"Yoooooouuuu," she hissed, twirling her peacock slashers.

Her duck, Carue, was getting nervous under her, while Zoro and Fencer just looked perplexed.

"HOW DARE YOU CUT MY HAIR!"

_Line Break_

I went back to the room where the others had passed out. Nami wasn't there; she must've left to loot other buildings.

I walked over to where Sanji was lying. I had a plan to wake each of them up.

"Hey Sanji, even more beautiful ladies have shown up."

He shot up like a bullet, with hearts in his eyes. Looking around, he saw it was just I and realized what I just pulled. Needless to say, I got kicked _hard_. I didn't let it keep me down though, and went about waking up the next crewmate.

I did some searching around to find what I was looking for: milk. When I found some, I walked over to Usopp, fished a Tabasco star out of his item pouch.

I popped it into his mouth, made him swallow it, and waited for the literal fireworks.

While Usopp was flailing about, trying to put out the fire in his mouth with the glass of milk I'd prepared, Sanji asked me what was really going on. I told him I'd explain once we woke up Luffy.

Speaking of Luffy, who was still engorged from eating so much at the party, time for my plan to wake him up.

"Hey, Luffy, I've got cake."

Our bloated captain immediately woke up, "CAKE!? WHERE!?"

"Hehehe, sorry, Luffy, but the cake was a lie."

"…Jerk," he pouted.

"Now, could you please explain what's going on here?" Sanji asked.

"There's not much to explain. It's pretty much like I said; the townsfolk were just acting nice and drugged you guys. Zoro and Fencer are outside fighting and Nami, I'm pretty sure, is out looting," I told them.

"Alright then, let's go help the others," Luffy declared. And with that, we headed out.

_Line Break_

Mr. 9 and Igarapoi had joined in the battle, only to get thrashed and knocked out. Miss Wednesday, on the other hand, was still going. One of her slashers had been cut, she had a gash on her torso and left forearm, and one of her boots had been burned off, with the skin underneath also being singed.

"Is she _really _fighting this hard just because I cut her hair?" Fencer asked.

"Who cares?" Zoro replied.

Wednesday charged.

Zoro readied his swords. Once Wednesday got close enough, he sidestepped her slash and hit her in the nape of her neck with the bottom of his sword's hilt, knocking her off the roof they were on, down to the ground.

"Finally," Fencer sighed as she and Zoro made their way off the roof. Once they did so, they heard a new voice.

"I gotta say, this is mighty pathetic."

Zoro, Fencer, and the semi-conscious Miss Wednesday turned their heads to see a tan man wearing a russet trench coat and sunglasses accompanied by a blond woman in a yellow, lemon-covered dress carrying a parasol.

_Line Break_

Finding our friends in this town was harder than I thought it would be. We had searched several dark streets and still hadn't found them. "Hey, guys! They're over there! And they've got company!" Luffy said, pointing to our left, directing our gaze to Zoro's unmistakable hair as he stood across from the Mr. 5 pair with Fencer. As we got closer, Nami also stepped out from her hiding place.

"Well, well, looks like everyone's here," I said loudly.

"And just who are you guys?" Zoro asked the new duo nonchalantly.

"That's none of your business, so scram if you know what's good for you," Mr. 5 said.

That just made our swordsman grin, "And if we don't?"

Mr. 5's glasses flashed, "Then you're in for some trouble."

"Ok, guys, I think I've got this all figured out. Nami, Usopp, and Fencer can fight the lemon lady, while the rest of us fight the weirdo who's wearing sunglasses at night for some reason," I said.

"Hey, Declan. How come you don't know these guys' names?" Luffy asked.

"Their names are actually Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine," I explained; said duo was shocked that I knew who they were. "It was just more fun to describe them li-"

"Wait a second," Fencer interrupted. "You said you weren't good at strategizing."

"I'm not. At least half the stuff I've come up with so far was on the fly," I clarified.

Vivi, as I'm going to start calling her from now on, was slowly getting to her feet. I swear the amount of damage the humans from One Piece can take is crazy.

Then I remembered something else. "Sanji, you're in charge of guarding this lady. She's the one they're after," I gestured to Vivi.

"On it!" he said enthusiastically.

"Now, I think I'll do us all a favor and get this little party started," I began walking towards our new pair of enemies.

Mr. 5 immediately brought a finger to his nose. Knowing what would come, I broke into a sprint, wanting to stop him. Unfortunately, even with my skeleton speed, he was too quick on the pick and flicked an explosive booger at me.

KA-BOOM! The explosion mostly got my left shoulder, breaking off two of my upper-left ribs and sending the bones from my left arm flying in every direction.

"AAAAHHHH!" I couldn't help but scream. Being caught in an explosion was easily the worst pain I've ever felt in my life so far.

Luffy stared at me, stunned by me getting blown apart. Once he overcame his shock, he charged as well, aiming for Miss Valentine. He threw a gum-gum pistol, only for the lemon-clad woman to jump about a hundred feet in the air, dodging him completely.

"5000 KILOGRAM PRESS!" she shouted and immediately sped back down, landing squarely on Luffy. Fortunately, his rubber body spared him from the brunt of the attack, only incapacitating him for a brief second.

Meanwhile, Mr. 5 was picking his nose for more ammo. As Fencer saw him, she reacted, "FLAMETHROWER!"

A large stream of fire shot out of her mouth; it would have roasted 5, had he not dodged just in time. He flicked his ammo at Fencer, who dodged in return. The distraction allowed Zoro to close in on the Baroque Works agent. He slashed him twice in the chest, then, in a feat of precision, thrust his sword's tip just far enough into the bomb-man's abdomen to take him out of the fight.

Meanwhile, Valentine had gotten away from Luffy and was aiming to crush Nami. Good thing I wasn't in too much pain to enact my plan for that situation.

"HEY, VALENTINE! WE CAN SEE UP YOUR DRESS!" I shouted.

"WHAT!?" she screamed. The absurdity of that crack distracted her for a precious few seconds.

"Usopp, shoot her now!" I ordered.

Our resident sniper managed to stop shaking and pulled out his slingshot. He aimed and fired in the blink of an eye, hitting his target dead on with an exploding star. She fell to the ground unconscious.

"T-That's impossible. You beat the number 5 pair?"

We all turned to see Mr. 9 and Igarapoi, or should I say Igaram standing within earshot of us. Apparently, they had been watching our fight. Before responding, I took a second to activate my reassembly ability; my left humerus was badly cracked and burned along with my left clavicle, but fortunately, they still re-attached. My two blown-off ribs were a slightly different story; the ribs came back to me but didn't actually meld back into my rib cage. I'd have to heal all this later.

"We sure did," I said, still trying to ignore my injuries. "By the way, we're also willing to help you with your prob-," SMACK. "YEOW!"

With a smack to the back of my head, Luffy said, "Declan, as captain, I say you're giving too many orders. So I order you to stop giving orders for now."

"Uhh, ok," I said. "Then could someone else take charge of this conversation, please?" Luffy had slimmed down remarkably quick from eating so much earlier. The boy's digestion is incredible.

"I will," Fencer volunteered. "Ok, I'll ask the questions and you guys answer honestly, capiche?" Mr. 9, Igaram, and Vivi nodded.

"Alright, who were those guys, why were they after you, and where can we find more like them?" We all just stared at her after hearing that last one.

"What? That fight was fun, but it was too short," she defended. Luffy and Zoro nodded at that. "Now answer."

Igaram stated, "They were the Mr. 5 pair, but I can't tell you why they were after us."

"Luffy, permission to tell the crew why that pair was after them?" I asked politely.

My captain hesitated, but his curiosity eventually won out, "…Granted."

"The Mr. 5 pair was after these guys because Miss Wednesday here is actually a princess who was spying on them." They all looked at me inquisitively. "Why was she spying on them you ask?"

"Why?" Luffy asked.

"That was rhetorical, Luffy. Anyway, she was spying on them because Baroque Works is fucking up her country, then 5 and Valentine came to kill her when she found out their boss's identity."

Vivi and Igaram went wide-eyed once again. "Oh, come on, Vivi, you already know that I know more than I should. Why are you still surprised?" I asked her.

Disregarding my own question, I continued. "You know what? Let me give you all some reasons why we should team up." I faced Usopp, "Without going into detail, we'll meet brave warriors of the sea." Usopp's eyes widened at that. I turned to face Sanji, "We'll be helping a lady in need," that was all he needed to hear. Then I faced Luffy, Zoro, and Fencer, "We'll fight some very strong enemies," they all grinned at that. Next was Nami, "The royals we'll be helping may feel inclined to… _reward _us for our help," her eyes turned into beri signs. And last but not least, Vivi, "However strange you think we are, make no mistake, we _are _capable of saving your kingdom. Also, given the circumstances, I'm not sure you can afford to be picky," she still seemed a little conflicted. I really hope these guys come around once I tell them how I know so much.

"Declan, was that stuff an order?" Luffy asked me with a stern look.

"No, Luffy, That was," I gave it a second's thought, "my 30-second elevator pitch."

"Oh, ok."

"Anyway, Nami, could you take over negotiations from here please?"

"Why? You and I have done pretty well on this so far," Fencer said.

"For three reasons," I replied. "1," I said, raising a literally bony finger, "you're kinda brash." I raised another finger, "2. I think these guys will be put off by me no matter what I say or do. And 3. Nami's the most tactful member of the crew, so she'd be better at this than either of us."

I turned to Nami, "Now, if you woul-"

"Declaaaan," Luffy stretched out my name with a warning tone.

"That wasn't an order Luffy!" I hastily told him, holding up my hands defensively. "I was just asking her nicely."

"Oh, ok."

Fencer made her way over to me and climbed onto my shoulder, while the rest of the crew tried to pass the time as the deal was being made. Hardly a minute later…

"No! I can't tell you who's in charge of Baroque Works! If I tell you, you'll be targeted too!" Vivi said frantically.

Catching his attention, Zoro chipped into the conversation.

"Come on, your boss can't be _that_ bad, can he?" he asked.

"He _could _be that bad if he's Sir Crocodile of the Seven Warlords!" Vivi shouted.

We all sat in silence at that. "Wow, and he wasn't even fishing that hard," I deadpanned. Usopp and Nami were panicking, while Vivi was apologizing over and over.

I started looking around. When I spotted the Unluckies, I pointed my index fingers at them. "What are you doi-" Zoro asked, but before he could finish, the distal phalanges of my index fingers shot off. They hit their targets dead-on, perforating them and causing them to plummet to the ground.

Everyone just stared at that. Fencer asked what I'm sure they were all thinking, "Dude, did you just kill them?"

"I think I killed the otter, I got him in the head. I'm not sure about the bird though," I said softly. I realized the rest of the crew was looking at me now. "Alright, I know that looked bad, but I swear I tried to make that quick and painless for them," I held up my hands defensively. I knew I needed to act quickly to keep Baroque Works from getting our names and faces, but I definitely did not think that through. Maybe killing them wasn't the best thing to do?

Before anyone could say anything, we heard the faint sound of flapping wings. We turned and saw Miss Friday flying away. Blood was dripping from her, but she had a collection of drawings clutched in her talons. Mr. 13 must've drawn them before I shot him.

_Shit_. "Uh, someone who's not me, shoot her down!" I yelled.

Usopp tried, but after getting shot once by me, she was clearly ready to dodge further fire and got away.

"Reassembly," I muttered. I could hear Friday squawk in the distance as my finger bone flew out of her wound and landed back on my fingertip. Then the bone from 13's corpse flew back to me as well. I'm going to need to wash those bones.

"So we're on Crocodile's hit list?" Nami whined. "And there's nowhere we'll be able to hide now!"

Vivi interjected softly, "Um if it's any consolation, you'll still be rewarded if you choose to help my kingdom."

"And besides," Fencer added, "this Crocodile guy can't be that tough."

Luffy walked over to me with a serious look on his face. "Declan, we need to talk."

_Line Break_

While Igaram enacted his plan to be a decoy for Vivi, the crew readied the ship to set sail. Luffy brought me to the kitchen where no one would bother us. I left Fencer out on the deck to do whatever she pleased.

"Luffy, if this is about shooting those Baroque Works agents, trust me, I don't plan on making a habit out of it," I said.

"Declan, if you need to kill to help the crew, that's fine, but I need to be sure you won't kill anyone who doesn't deserve it," he responded.

"Alright, that's a promise I can make," this chat was going well so far.

"So, did you mean it when you said you tried to make it quick and painless for the otter and the bird?" he questioned. "I did."

"Well keep it that way, I don't want any sadi- sardines- err…what's that word for when you like to make people suffer?" he asked. "Sadism." "Right, I don't want any sadisms on my crew." I had to fight not to chuckle at that.

"Ok, so only kill people if they really deserve it and keep it quick and painless. Do I have that right?" Luffy nodded. "Alright, Captain, you have my promise," I'm glad we got that sorted out. If I still had lips, I would've smiled.

BOOM!

We went outside when we heard that.

_Line Break_

Luffy and I got outside and saw smoke in the distance, meaning that Baroque Works had already gotten to Igaram. So, 'Miss All-Sunday' would be appearing on our ship soon.

"Igaram," Vivi whispered in horror. "He's still alive. Trust me," I told her soothingly.

Soon, everything and everyone seemed ready to go except Vivi. She was frantically looking for Carue, her supersonic duck. She calmed down when I assured her he was already on the Merry.

I had my game plan for when Miss All-Sunday, aka Robin, showed up. I figure I'd better play nice with her. Getting on her bad side might: A. prompt her to try and kill me, and B. affect her future decision to join the crew.

When she made herself known, I greeted her warmly.

"Hi, Robin."

Strangely, she didn't seem even remotely surprised that I knew her real name. Her response, however, shocked me to the core.

"Hello to you too, Mister Declan."


	6. Chapter 6 - The Plot Thickens

Chapter 6

That's impossible. She can't know my name. Before I could say anything in response, the crew beat me to it.

"Wait a second, you and Miss All-Sunday know each other?! Is that how you knew about my kingdom?!" Vivi shouted accusingly.

That made the rest of the crew stare at me. My mutual greeting with Robin must've given off the wrong impression, and Vivi's accusation wasn't helping. I had to sort this out quickly.

"Vivi, I'm not with Baroque Works. I joined the Straw Hats in the East Blue. A Baroque Works agent wouldn't have any reason to be there."

"And besides, there's no way Declan would work with the bad guys," Luffy added.

"Moving back to the matter of our guest," Fencer lit her tail on fire. "Who are you, how did you get on the ship, and why shouldn't I toast you right now?" she threatened.

On that note, Zoro and Nami pulled out their weapons, only for Robin to use her powers to disarm them. "Sorry, guys. I should've warned you about her powers the second she showed up," that one was on me.

"What the hell kind of power is it?" Usopp asked.

"She has-" an arm appeared on my sternum and tried to clamp my jaws shut. I took my skull off my neck and held it out of the arm's reach. In response, another arm appeared on my forearm, also trying to get to my skull, so I passed it to my other hand, where yet another arm sprouted. I shuffled my skull between my hands through my legs like a basketball player.

"You do realize that, in trying to shut me up, you're revealing your powers in plain sight? I don't actually need to say a thing now," my skull said to Robin as I passed it between my legs again. "So, does this hilarious game of keep-away tell you guys what you want to know about her powers?" I addressed the crew, who were just watching the spectacle, dumbstruck.

Sanji, who'd been predictably staring love-struck at Robin, suddenly noticed something. "Hey, do I hear the shower running?" That got everyone's attention. Robin stopped trying to get my skull, knowing I was right about her revealing her powers. Then, suddenly, the shower stopped running.

"Hey, Declan, was that the other Declan?" Luffy asked.

"What makes you think that, Luffy?" I said, hoping he'd shut up.

"Wait a second, earlier you said you needed to go shave your beard. Did you leave the other you on the ship while you were doing that?"

Normally, I might congratulate Luffy for figuring out someone else's plan on his own, but seeing as how he basically just ruined mine, I was just pissed. Also, I'm pretty sure his choice of words implied he actually believed I was shaving.

Robin turned around just in time to see a soaking wet Skeleton Buddy standing behind her.

"Uh, hi?" he said awkwardly, having lost the element of surprise.

"Hey, Other Declan, why were you in the shower?" _You're really not helping, Luffy._

Robin got in that weird, cross-armed pose she always gets in to use her powers, but SB held up a finger. He looked past Robin and answered Luffy. "Because after I fed the Transponder Snails Declan bought in Loguetown, I hid in the one place I thought Robin wouldn't check."

Robin raised an eyebrow at that. "You hid in the bilge?" The whole crew looked disgusted at hearing that.

"And _that's _why I was in the shower. Now, if you'll excuse me," he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

That got various reactions from the crew. Usopp started, "What the?!"

"How dare you force yourself on a lady, you shitty skeleton!" Sanji growled.

Fencer just looked confused, "You picked a weird time to make a move on someone, dude."

"Will you all shut up for a second!?" SB responded. "Let me explain; by bear-hugging her like this, I've restricted her movements, so now we can question her without worry," he turned slightly so he and Robin could turn their heads to face us.

"Ok, first question, how exactly do you know my name? Were you eavesdropping before you made yourself known?" I asked, hoping she would give a simple yes or no.

"A good guess, but no. One of our other agents told me about all of you," she said.

"All of us?" Usopp parroted.

"How could any agents outside this town know about us? Miss Friday didn't depart that long ago, so she couldn't have given anyone 13's drawings that quickly, and even then, that would only give you our faces," I'm proud of myself for analyzing all that on the spot.

"To be honest, I don't know how he knew all of you. I would guess he's some old acquaintance of yours, however, that's irrelevant right now," she said.

"Oh, are you about to hand us that Eternal Pose to Alabasta?" I asked.

"Wait, what?!" Vivi shouted. I feel like she's been shouting a lot lately.

"Indeed, I would give it to you if not for this 'Other Declan', as your captain put it."

I held up a hand. "Don't bother giving it to us. Our captain would want us to decide our course for ourselves. Am I right, Luffy?"

"Definitely," he agreed. "No one but us decides our course."

"Are you crazy!? A direct course to Alabasta would make this so much easier!" Nami looked ready to strangle Luffy.

"You do know it's Luffy you're talking to, right?" Usopp asked.

Ignoring them, I realized I had an important question to ask.

"Hey, Robin, exactly which agent in Baroque Works told you about us?"

"The agent's codename is Mr. -1; the only agent in Baroque Works capable of harming Mr. 0," I get the feeling the reason she told us that so easily was to shake us up.

And it partially worked. The Monster Trio was undisturbed by this news, but Vivi and I were shocked.

"Now, allow me to ask you some questions of my own. This may sound odd, but would you happen to have a twin brother?"

I shook off my stupor, "No, why?"

"Because Mr. -1's voice sounds identical to yours. Now, Mister Declan, how do _you _know_ my _real name?"

Wow, even when I know who she is and how she likes to mess with people, she's _still_ getting to me. "I know a lot of things I shouldn't, Robin. On that topic, I also know that you will never find what you are looking for if you keep working for Crocodile. All you'll find is information on a weapon, and I know you're not interested in that."

"What?" Robin and Vivi asked at the same time for different reasons.

"If I may interrupt?" Fencer asked with an annoyed tone.

She faced me. "I like you, Declan, but you've been pulling new info out of your ass almost nonstop and the curiosity is killing me! I'm not waiting another week or two like you asked, I'm not even gonna wait another minute; nobody's going to start trusting you until you explain how you know all this shit!"

Nami stepped forward, "Declan, she's right. I should have made you tell them sooner. Now tell them all what you told me."

"Wait, he already told you?" Sanji asked.

"Yeah, she kinda pressured me into it," I said. I dispelled Skeleton Buddy. "I'd prefer that only crewmembers and close allies hear this, Robin, so would you mind?" I said, having turned to face her.

"I would much rather stay and hear this big reveal," she replied.

"Tell you what, how about I let you in on my secret if you join our crew?" I figured a deal like that would prompt her to leave.

"WHAT!?" the rest of the crew, minus Sanji and Luffy, yelled.

"Deal," Robin said.

"WHAT!?" the rest of the crew yelled again.

Ok, she agreed to that _way_ too easily.

"…Are you just gonna run off the moment you learn what you want to know?" I deadpanned.

"No," she said sweetly. I swear to god that a _halo_ appeared above her head when she said that.

I took a moment to think. Letting her know the truth this soon may not make her stop following Crocodile, and if she leaves after I tell her, she could help Crocodile plan countermeasures against my future knowledge. Or maybe she wouldn't, seeing as how Crocodile's plan meant nothing to her. Thinking this hard is giving me a headache.

You know what? Fuck it.

"Ok, how should I explain this?" I muttered to myself. "So, I really like comics."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Zoro asked.

"And are you really going to reveal this while she's still in earshot?" Vivi followed up, referring to Robin.

"To answer those in order: It's surprisingly relevant and yes," I said. I decided to say comics since I didn't know how to explain the concept of TV. "I like comics and where I'm from, there's this one that showed the adventures of a young man who wanted to become the pirate king."

I waited a few seconds to see how they'd react. I got mostly blank stares.

"The main character's name was Luffy," I continued.

"You mean-?" Usopp started.

"You're kidding," Sanji deadpanned.

"I guess I'll have to prove it to you the same way I did with Nami: by telling you guys stuff about yourselves that I shouldn't be able to know. Everyone ready?" They all nodded.

"Ok then, Zoro, come close."

"Why?"

"Because the secret I have about you is something personal."

He complied, and when I told him that I knew about Kuina, his skeptical look disappeared.

"You're taking that secret to your grave," he order-whispered.

"Understood. Now, Sanji, you're next," I beckoned him over.

When he came over, I whispered to him, "Germa 66."

He went pale. "You'd better keep that to yourself," he warned.

I nodded. "Alright, the next two secrets aren't too critical, so I'll say them out loud. Luffy, I know about your brothers."

"You do?" he asked.

While the rest of the crew were busy being surprised at hearing Luffy had brothers, I decided to move on to Usopp.

"And Usopp, I know that _you_…command an army of 8000 men!" I declared.

Robin chuckled while everyone else facefaulted.

"Is everything just a big joke to you?!" Vivi yelled.

"Not everything, Vivi. I'm really not joking about this. I'm from another world, a world where the adventures of Luffy and his crew are part of a highly popular comic book. It's how I knew about your kingdom. And it's how I know _you're _really innocent." I said, directing that last part at Robin. Credit where it's due, she looked completely calm. "How about you and I continue this later?" I suggested."…Very well," she made her way to the railing of the ship. I think I got under her skin. Before she hopped off the ship, she turned back to us. "We'll continue this later, though I should give you a word of warning: no one has ever escaped the island following this one alive," trying to scare us with that like she did in canon I see.

"Also, Miss Wednesday? Nice haircut," ooooooh, nice one.

Vivi's face went red with fury. With that, Robin departed, leaving us in silence…until Luffy decided to ask.

"Hey, Declan, if you're from another world, does that make you an alien?" I never thought about it like that. "Uuuuuuh, yeah, I guess it does."

"Cool! I've got an alien skeleton on my crew!"

"Uh, Declan?" Fencer asked. "How come you didn't reveal anything about me?"

"Because I don't know anything about you, Fencer. You weren't part of the story I read. You're actually from a different series altogether," I told her.

That surprised her, but she quickly recovered. "Ok, I guess. So, if a comic showed you all this stuff, what happens after this?"

"Don't answer that, Declan!" Luffy ordered. "It's cool that you know a bunch of stuff, but don't give stuff away about our adventure."

"Roger, Captain. If I reveal anything, I'll keep it vague; like how I told the crew you have brothers without telling them who your brothers _are_." He looked satisfied with that.

"On that topic, who _are _your brothers, Luffy?" Usopp asked.

"Oh, one's name is Ace and the other one is…dead," Luffy's face turned serious, some bad memories clearly resurfacing. I was tempted to tell him that Sabo was still alive, but I hadn't thought about the long-term negative effects that might have on our crew. I figured it wouldn't do much harm, but I just wasn't sure.

Carue walked over, letting out several quacks.

"Ok, Ducky over here just asked if Declan is sure he doesn't know anyone who could be Mr. -1," Fencer said.

"You understood what he said?" Vivi asked.

"Yep, I'm an animal too, remember? And since we're on the same side now, sorry about your hair." So Fencer's the one who cut Vivi's hair? I was wondering how that happened.

"I swear I don't know who could be Mr. -1, guys. There was never a number lower than 0 in the story. And I have no idea why his voice would sound like mine," I said.

"Speaking of Baroque Works, why would you reveal all that to her?! If she knows that you know how future events will play out, then she can warn Mr. 0 and have him play things differently to throw you off!" Vivi yelled.

"I doubt that'll happen, Vivi. She doesn't care if Crocodile's plan fails so long as she finds the Poneglyph in Alabasta." Vivi went pale, remembering that I knew something that was supposed to be a secret about her kingdom.

"But if she finds the Poneglyph, she'll learn about the ancient weapon!" Vivi protested.

"That's not so bad, Vivi."

"EXCUSE ME!?"

"She's looking for a history book, not instructions for a big gun."

"Wait, what?"

"Declan, I repeat, I thought you said you weren't good at strategizing, but that reasoning you just gave sounded really thought out," Fencer said.

"And Fencer, _I _repeat, I'm just thinking on my feet with this stuff."

Then a half-baked idea hit me, "Hey, guys, now that I've explained how I know so much about everything going on in One Piece, maybe it would help you warm up to me if I told you some stuff about myself."

The crew exchanged glances. "_Maybe_," they all said at once. I guess that's the best I'll get for now, but oh well.

"Well, for starters, the Devil Fruit I ate is one I made up."

"WHAT!?" they all gasped.

"Yep, before I was transported here, I thought Devil Fruits were cool, so I came up with one like many fans before me. As for things about me personally, I can play the piano, I've taken some martial arts classes, photography classes, and I can make snickerdoodles," I finished.

Nearly everyone present sweatdropped, while Luffy started drooling. "Could you make some now?" he asked.

"Sanji, mind if I use the kitchen?"

"Not without my supervision," he answered.

_Line Break_

Sanji made me wash every individual bone in my hands before I could start baking. I also took the opportunity to get some milk and pour it on my damaged bones. "What the hell are yo-," I cut him off by holding up a finger and enjoyed the look on his face when he saw that the milk was healing my bones. I explained, "Milk heals me, Sanji; I made up my Devil Fruit, therefore I made up its powers. I meant to do this earlier, but that business with Robin distracted me from the searing pain I was in." Knowing that we'd face at least SOME crazy weather on the way to Little Garden, I made Skeleton Buddy appear and had him go on deck to help out.

As I began to make the dough, I decided to make small talk.

"Hey, Sanji, since you're here, I figure I'll ask you here and now: what exactly is the crew's problem with me?"

"Beg your pardon?"

"I mean, Zoro skipped me when he did a roll call in Laboon's stomach and Nami still seemed a little hostile even after I told her about myself. I honestly want to get along with you guys and I've tried to contribute to the crew, so what am I doing wrong?"

Sanji took a long drag from his cigarette. "Well, it's not that you're a jerk or anything like that; it's just that you're a little off-putting."

I got the cinnamon and sugar. "I figured that much, I mean how am I off-putting? Is it my appearance? My foreknowledge? Some other third thing?"

"It's a little of each, actually. Your appearance is even more outlandish than Zoro's hair." We both chuckled at that. "And your foreknowledge was kind of annoying, by which I mean you presented it like some sort of know-it-all."

That gave me a few things to think about. I had mostly finished making the cookies. All that was left was to put them in the oven.

"How about a deal, Sanji. Treat me like one of the crew, and I'll teach you a technique for picking up ladies."

_Line Break_

I had gone out onto the deck while Sanji stayed inside to watch the cookies. I took note of what everyone was doing and saw Zoro practicing with his swords. Hmm, I just got an idea. Walking over to him, I got his attention and made a proposal...a platonic proposal, "You want to spar?" Maybe training together would be a good way to bond with him and help my connection with the crew.

"You want to spare with _me_?" he asked.

"Yeah. Swords are a pretty common weapon, which is a little weird since guns exist here, so I need to practice dodging. _And_ you get a free practice dummy out of this." When I finished that last part, he grinned maliciously.

Within minutes, we were facing off. Zoro was only using one sword, but that didn't make dodging any easier. He landed one hit after another on me. He moved fast and I was terrible at predicting the angles of his swings. We didn't break for anything: not for rest, not to help out with the ship, not to have any of the snickerdoodles once they were done, nothing.

_Line Break_

It had been a week since we set sail for Little Garden and I was sparring with Zoro again. I was getting a little better at dodging and even counterattacking, but our swordsman was still landing a good number of hits on me. Thank god I'd convinced him to keep his swords in their sheathes this whole time.

"Hey, Declan!" Luffy said, approaching us.

I made Skeleton Buddy appear so he could chat with Luffy in my place. Unfortunately, the small amount of concentration it took to do that allowed Zoro to land yet another hit on me.

Meanwhile, Skeleton Buddy started talking with Luffy. "What is it, Captain?"

"I realized that you've been with the crew all this time and we haven't figured out what your job is."

"My job? Oh, you mean like chef or navigator?"

"Yeah, so what's your job gonna be?"

"Hmmm. How about I guard the ship? I don't need to eat or use the bathroom so I can do it for long periods of time."

Luffy smiled. "Ok, from now on, you're the ship guard."

_Line Break_

After what felt like weeks…oh wait, _it was weeks. _Little Garden started to appear on the horizon.

I wasn't sure how to handle this. It'd be wrong for me to purposely let Nami knock on death's door just for the sake of meeting Chopper, but I didn't know what else to do. Some self-insert fanfictions I've read just had something bad happen to the insert instead of Nami. But even if that didn't happen and Nami doesn't get a virus, something else could happen to a _different _member of the crew. And I wanted to warn the crew except that even if I did, there was no guarantee of safety. Bug bites are hard to avoid, even when you try.

_Dammit!_ It feels like there's no right answer here! I need to think of some way to work this out. In the meantime, maybe I should just focus on fixing a different aspect of this arc. I went to the kitchen and started checking on our supply of alcohol. _'Come on. There's gotta be some sign that Mr. 5 messed with this stuff. When did he have the chance to do it in canon anyway?'_

"What are you doing?" a voice asked. It was Sanji. Maybe I could talk to him about this. "Sanji, I know Luffy doesn't want any spoilers, but I need to tell someone about this: very soon in the story, we discover that Mr. 5 somehow rigged some of our booze to explode."

Sanji got a serious look on his face. "Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure. I was trying to see if I could figure out which barrels were rigged until I realized I didn't know what to look for. I know you hate wasting food and drink, but I think we may have to get rid of all of this."

The chef looked horribly conflicted. He knew that throwing away tainted food, or in this case, drink, was the right thing to do, but under these circumstances, it would also mean throwing away perfectly good alcohol as well. He was also pissed that the alcohol had been sabotaged in the first place.

"Alright," he ground out. "We'll have to get rid of it."

_Line Break_

Sanji and I made our announcement to the crew about the alcohol.

As we started emptying the barrels over the side of the ship, we got various reactions that all amounted to disbelief… a 'For real?' from Luffy, and a 'Are you serious?' from Usopp. Although, I noticed that Zoro was very quiet and looked especially unhappy, not surprising given how much he loved booze. That went a little better than expected and at least solved one of our upcoming issues.

At this point we were about ready to make landfall on Little Garden; I hope I can figure out how to fix our next major issue.

Time to see how this will play out.


	7. Chapter 7 - Big trouble in Little Garden

Chapter 7

Now that we'd arrived at Little Garden, I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to start briefing the crew.

"Hey, guys?" I called out. "I need to warn you all about something."

Everyone gathered round. "Without giving too much away, there's an enemy trick you need to know about."

"Wait, are you saying there's an enemy on the island?" Vivi asked.

"Yes, I am. Now, on the island, we may get split up; if you see another crewmember, call out to them, and do NOT approach them unless they call back. Got it?"

I got a lot of dull stares.

"That sounds kinda like bullshit," Sanji said.

"Look, I'd love to give you all the details, but the captain doesn't want any spoilers. Just remember to call out to anyone you see, ok?"

"…Alright. Well, there's no telling how long the Log Pose will take to reset, so I'm gonna go hunting," our chef declared.

"Hold up, Cook," Zoro mocked. "_I'll _do the hunting, otherwise you might hurt yourself."

"What did you just say, Moss Head?! I can take down bigger creatures than you could ever dream!"

"Then prove it. Whoever brings back more meat wins," the swordsman challenged.

While sparks were literally flying between the two's eyes, anime logic and all that, I decided to try and change this part at least a little. "Hey, guys," I wrapped my arms around their necks as if we were all old friends. "If you have a contest like that, you'll just end up arguing over who's meat is bigger."

I got even more dull stares.

"I'll do the honors, everybody," Fencer said as she let out a little fire through her paws, burning my collarbone from her place on my shoulder as punishment for my cheesy joke. I grit my teeth through the pain and continued. "Anyway, I have an alternate contest for you guys."

That got their attention. "How about, instead of seeing who can bring back the most meat, you each kill the single biggest beastie you can find and see who can get theirs back to the ship fastest… Sound good?"

Pretty much as soon as I finished saying that, they both shot out of the ship and into the forest. Mission accomplished, now we won't have to listen to them argue about whose meat is bigger.

I turned to my sweatdropping crewmates. "Well, I'm gonna go out and see the dinosaurs on the island."

"THERE ARE DINOSAU- wait, Declan, you're the ship guard, you're not supposed to leave the ship," fair point, Luffy, fair point. My response was to have Skeleton Buddy appear next to me. "I'm ready for guard duty, Captain," he saluted.

Luffy looked satisfied with that. As I departed, I knew Luffy and Vivi would soon be in for some 'big' surprises… Oh shit, I just remembered something.

"Oh, wait a second!" I called out. I hopped back onto the ship, headed into the kitchen, grabbed a couple of our baby transponder snails and tossed one to Vivi, keeping the other for myself. "I almost forgot about these things," I said to both her and myself.

"Thank you," she smiled.

_Line Break_

As I walked through the jungle, I gave some thought to how the Little Garden arc would play out for us. Since I had gotten rid of the alcohol tainted by Mr. 5, we didn't have to worry about it hurting the giants-which was good. Also, we were finally making use of those transponder snails I bought. I'd say things were going pretty good so far, even if it's a bit early to celebrate. Although, before I could think more on the subject, I started getting distracted by the scenery around me. It was practically nothing but dense, green jungle with the occasional clearing hear and there. Bugs were a constant presence, but since I was a skeleton, they couldn't bite me, and any bug that tried biting Fencer caught on fire. Sometimes the ground would get soggy like a marsh, and other times thorny vines would come alive and try to attack me, but Fencer always repelled them… grass types are weak against fire types after all. Eventually, I started spotting the creatures I wanted to see: Dinosaurs.

The first one I saw was pretty small, "Wow, a Compsognathus," I commented. It was either that or a realistically small Velociraptor. It didn't have feathers, but I wasn't sure if that was because it was from One Piece and not my world.

As I journeyed further, I saw the three 'lophosaurs': Dilophosaurus, Monolophosaurus, and Cryolophosaurus. It was amusing how the Monolophosaurus had the tamest head crest of the three, which, ironically, made it the odd man out. The three of them seemed to be in what I assumed was a turf war. However, the next dino I saw was a little harder to identify, but I'm pretty sure it was a Coelophysis, which, to my surprise, was friendly enough to let me pet it. After that, I saw an Ankylosaurus…or maybe it was a Euoplocephalus. Either way, I made sure to steer clear of its club tail and stay in front of it.

"Wait," Fencer asked, "How the hell do you know all these dinosaur names?"

"The answer to that is simple, Fencer. I. Have. Loved. Dinosaurs. Since I was a little kid."

"So you're a dino geek?"

"Yep, and I'm not afraid to admit it. Although, I'd like to see some dinosaurs that are a little less mainstream."

Speak of the dinos and they shall appear because, after another minute of walking, we saw a Shunosaurus. Then, not long after, an Albertosaurus chased us; we escaped by hiding from it. It roared, which Fencer translated as, 'You haven't seen the last of me, eh!' We heard a couple of roars moments later, followed by a pair of stegosaurs running by us. I could tell that neither one was an actual Stegosaurus by their small stature and their shoulder spikes. They were being chased by what was either an Allosaurus or an Aerosteon, it was hard to tell since both species are similar in size and have ridges over their eyes.

After that little analysis, I reached a decision.

"Fencer, I am going to tame those dinosaurs. If you don't want to help, get off my shoulder now."

Fencer looked at me incredulously, "Before you do, I have to ask: did you suddenly go nuts in the last 30 seconds or something?"

"I'm not crazy, Fencer. I'm just off my meds."

_Line Break_

Skeleton Buddy was having a nice time. Brogy- the giant - had invited him, Nami, and Usopp for a meal of dinosaur meat, and he decided to go for it. Although he was supposed to be watching the ship, he knew nothing would happen while he was away… Though he did grab the last transponder snail just in case. Once they arrived at Brogy's home, SB knew that since he was a skeleton that he couldn't have any meat himself, which was a little disappointing, but he could see the others were enjoying it. However, once the island's volcano erupted, he got the consolation of witnessing Brogy's epic duel with Dorry, which ended in a draw once again. After what felt like barely an hour, the island's volcano erupted again, signaling the giants to resume their long-running series of duels.

And then everything went wrong. Dorry slipped, giving Brogy an opening to land the finishing blow.

The crew just sat in shock. "That duel was sabotaged!" SB exclaimed.

"WHAT?!" Nami and Usopp shouted in unison.

"Dorry and Brogy are too evenly matched for something like that to happen on its own. And even without that reasoning, this is the point in the comic where Mr. 3 sabotages the duel! We should regroup with the others before the Baroque Works agents find us."

"How? We don't have any idea where the others are," Usopp said.

SB pulled out his transponder snail, but before he could make a call, Usopp stopped him with a question, "Wait, where were you keeping that?"

SB answered with one simple word, "Hammerspace." Before Usopp could question further, SB made the call, "Vivi, you there?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"You saw what happened with the giants, right?"

"I wish I hadn't seen it."

"Me neither. What's your location? We need to regroup."

"We're at Dorry's home. We can all meet ther-," she paused. This worried SB, "Vivi? You still there?"

"Yes. Hurry, the Mr. 5 pair is here!" she said before hanging up, alarming the three Straw Hats.

"Shit, I need to call the real me…. Declan, do you copy?"

"Yeah."

"The Mr. 5 pair found Vivi and Luffy at Dorry's house."

"Shit, we need to get there fast. Use your super skeleton speed to dash over. I'll get there as fast as I can with my team of dinosaurs."

When the call ended, SB turned to Nami and Usopp. "Ok, I'm gonna speed off to where Vivi and Luffy are. You guys just follow the direction I head in." Before either one of them could say anything to that or question what Declan said about a 'team of dinosaurs,' SB disappeared in a blur.

_Line Break_

Luffy and Vivi were staring down their opponents, the Mr. 5 pair. The malicious duo had revealed that they had tortured Carue to lure Vivi to them, and when the duck didn't scream for help, they decided on confronting their targets directly.

"Just come quietly, Princess. It'll be so much easier that way," Miss Valentine asked.

Suddenly, from the edge of the jungle, they all heard a, "HEY!"

Everyone turned to see a skeleton appear on the scene. "Have no fear, a living skeleton is here!" he said.

Vivi and Luffy looked relieved to see their friend, "Declan!" though they understandably mistook him for the real thing. Miss Valentine, on the other hand, looked at him with venom in her eyes, "Yooou," she hissed. "You're gonna pay for looking up my dress!"

Skeleton Buddy looked at Valentine and said, "I just said that to distract you." Then he noticed Vivi glaring at him. "Hey, I swear it's true!" he repeated himself.

"Putting this topic aside, let's do what we came here to do, Miss Valentine," Mr. 5 said coolly. He picked his nose and flicked explosive boogers at Luffy and SB. While the two male Straw Hats continued to dodge the booger barrage, Miss Valentine took the opportunity to confront Vivi. The princess threw a horizontal slash, but Valentine ducked under it and did a leg sweep, knocking Vivi over. Before the blue-haired girl could get up, Valentine hit her in the face with her parasol, knocking her out. Hoisting the girl over her shoulder, Valentine called out, "I've got her!"

When 5 heard that, he stopped shooting, ran over, and grabbed Vivi from Valentine. He stomped his foot on the ground which resulted in an explosion, propelling him off into the distance. Valentine hopped into the air, not too far behind.

Luffy and Skeleton Buddy were left just standing there. They'd been tied up with 5's booger barrage, allowing the enemy to get away with their friend. They may have lost this round, but they'd pay those agents back next time.

"Hey, guys!" they heard. Nami and Usopp emerged from the forest, looking ready for a fight.

"Hey guys," Luffy said glumly. "You're a bit too late," SB informed them. Nami, ignoring this fact for a brief moment, marched over to SB and whacked him with her staff.

WHACK "OW!"

"That was for ditching us!"

Carue dragged himself up and rejoined the group. "What exactly happened here?" Usopp asked. Before Luffy and SB could answer, they all heard some roars.

_Line Break_

"This is just like my team from Fossil Fighters: Champions," I said to myself. I had miraculously tamed some of the dinosaurs I had encountered; granted Fencer helped a little too.

"What the hell is Fossil Fighters?" Fencer asked.

"Uuuuuhhh, it's a card game from my world," I went with that since, like with TV, I didn't think I'd be able to properly explain what a video game was when none exist in this world. "Anyway, are you sure you smell our friends in this direction?" I asked back.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm also sure we'd get there faster if your stego-whatevers weren't so damn slow!" I didn't have a defense for that, so I just kept moving, choosing to think about how awesome my new dinosaurs were. After taming my dino team, I was able to get a closer look at them and deduced that I had an Aerosteon (which I was currently riding), a Tuojiangosaurus, and a Huayangosaurus. It was admittedly pretty difficult to tell; I've seen skeletons of my two aforementioned stegos before, but those looked similar to one another. Not to mention those artists' restorations I've seen looked similar to each other as well. On top of that, what dinosaurs look like with skin in movies and TV are partially educated guesses, which kinda makes me doubt my ability to really identify these dinosaurs. So for all I know, I could be totally wrong. Despite all that, it felt _soooooo_ good to be able to make at least somewhat practical use of all my dino knowledge. I felt a bit like a real paleonto-

"Wake up!" Fencer's voice cut off my inner monologue.

"Huh?"

"You've been zoning out for the last two minutes…also, we're here."

True to her word, we emerged from the woods right in front of our friends. The moment they saw us, Nami and Usopp's jaws dropped, SB's jaw literally dropped off his head, and Luffy had stars in his eyes, probably from how cool he thought I looked right now.

This was the perfect time to do this… it was now or never. I had my Aerosteon turn sideways and I slid down its tail. "Yabba dabba doo!" I yelled.

My friends sweatdropped. I decided to get serious, "I'm too late aren't I?"

"Yeah," Luffy answered. I continued, "Well, that means there's only one thing to do." After several seconds, Nami broke the silence, "Well? Tell us already!"

"Alright, alright, I was just pausing dramatically. Anyway, we just do what happened in the comic, which is find the bad guys, kick their butts, and save our friends."

"How do we find them?" Fencer asked. Instead of answering her question, I took her off my shoulder and looked over to our captain, "Luffy, throw me straight up in the air." Luffy, with some hesitation, grabbed me and proceeded to do so. Once in the air, I looked around but saw nothing before falling back to the ground. Luffy threw me up in the air again, but this time I saw something.

"I saw it! It was pretty far away, but there's a huge pile of wax being made way over there!" I gestured towards the woods.

"Ok, let's head that way and kick those guys' asses," Luffy said, clenching his fists, but then he had a thought. "Hey, Declan, can we ride your dinosaurs?"

"I thought you'd never ask! Let me introduce them to you guys," I said elatedly. "These two are Cain and Abel," I pointed to my Tuojiangosaurus and Huayangosaurus respectively. Then I gestured to my Aerosteon, "And this one here is Seth." Everyone except Luffy sweatdropped at my choice of names. "Alright, now let's make like chapped lips and split!"

_Line Break_

"I'm telling you, you should get in a cool pose," Zoro said, holding a sword above his head. He and Vivi were stuck up to their calves in Mr. 3's candle service set while Brogy was bound to the ground with wax by his hands and feet. To make matters worse, the service set was sprinkling more wax down on them from above. Vivi looked at him, aghast, "Why would you focus on something like that? Our friends are going to come for us and you know it!"

"I certainly hope they do. I could use some more additions to this set," Mr. 3 chimed in.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" shouted a voice in the distance. Out of the forest came Luffy and Usopp riding on Seth. The therapod halted for a moment to allow his passengers to get off of him and bared his teeth at the Baroque Works agent. 3 blinked at the sight, "Riding in on a dinosaur? Color me surprised."

"I can arrange that," snarked an emotionless little girl with red pigtails, wearing a blue jacket with clouds on it and a sunhat. "We're dealing with the enemy right now, Miss Goldenweek. You can do stand-up later." 3 groaned.

Valentine chose to enter the conversation then, "You two!" She pointed at the two Straw Hats. "Where's that skeleton of yours!?" Hearing that caused Mr. 5 to facepalm. "He'll be here soon and so will the rest of our friends!" Luffy exclaimed in response.

"Actually, we're here now!" I announced, entering the clearing with Nami, Carue, and my trusty clone riding on our stegosaurs. Sitting on them wasn't an easy feat considering the plates on their backs. Carue and I were riding Cain while Nami and SB rode Abel. Mr. 3 gave us all a once over before noticing something off, "Hold on, Mr. 5 said you had a fire ferret with you. Where is it?"

I pointed to the weird, cake-looking sculpture Zoro and Vivi were trapped in, "She should be right over there." As I finished saying that, the sculpture started melting, freeing our trapped friends. Once the sculpture melted completely, it revealed Fencer standing behind it, ceasing her flamethrower attack. "Good plan, Usopp!" I said giving him a thumbs-up. Zoro unsheathed his other swords while Vivi took out her peacock slashers. SB looked at the assembled Baroque Works agents, "You're facing _all_ of us now!" He beat me to that statement by one second.

3 kept his composure, 5 pulled a revolver out of his coat and blew into the cylinder while their partners looked a little nervous. Those of our crew who were still on dinosaurs dismounted, resulting in a moment of silence as our two sides squared off.

Then things got started.

5 fired several shots at our crew, forcing us to scatter. Zoro charged 5, intending to take him out, but the swordsman's instincts told him to jump to the side. As soon as he did, Valentine hit the spot he vacated hard enough to make a crater. I rushed at Valentine and threw a punch, but she ducked, giving 5 a clear shot at me. However, before he could fire, a small, metal pellet from Usopp hit his hand, making him drop his gun. Suddenly, a shadow loomed over all of us as Seth leaned down to bite Mr. 5. When the Aerosteon got close enough, 5 spit on its nose, causing an explosion that sent the therapod staggering backward. The blast knocked Zoro and I down as well.

Valentine attempted to crush me while I was down. I narrowly evaded her bone-shattering blow. Then I had to dive out of the way of her mega-stomp again…and again and again.

Zoro recovered just in time to see that 5 had retrieved his revolver. The swordsman was up and on him in a flash, but 5 stomped his foot on the ground, causing another explosion. 5 himself was unharmed, but Zoro was caught in the blast, flooring him once again. Before the glasses-wearing agent could take aim at the Straw Hat's swordsman, they heard Usopp shout something from the side, "Special Attack: Ketchup Star!" another pellet from the pirate crew's sniper hit him in the face, splattering ketchup all over him. The ketchup assault didn't slow him down. He quickly removed his glasses, which had kept ketchup off his eyes and started firing his revolver nonstop at Zoro and Usopp, forcing them to dodge like a pair of Russian folk dancers. 5 was so busy firing and occasionally reloading that he hardly noticed the ground rumbling. He took aim at the Straw Hats yet again and, -CRUNCH-, he felt excruciating pain in his right shoulder. Seth had approached him from behind and bitten him. Before the dinosaur could withdraw and bite again, 5 took all of his strength to bring up his left arm and throw an explosive punch at the Aerosteon, knocking it out. "Oni giri!" Zoro went in for the kill. The agent only had seconds to turn his attention back to Zoro before being struck by the swordsman's finishing move. Once he collapsed, Zoro and Usopp took a moment to catch their breath.

"Thank god that's over," Usopp sighed in relief. Zoro glared at him, "What are you whining about? He barely attacked you!"

"Hey, I helped!" the sniper insisted.

Zoro just groaned, "Whatever... how did you guys get these dinosaurs to help us out?"

Usopp grinned, "Well Zoro, let me tell you how I, the great Captain Usopp, brought these dinos under my command."

Zoro rolled his eyes,_ 'Here we go.' _

_Line Break_

While Zoro, Usopp, and Seth had their hands full with Mr. 5, I was trying to bring down Miss Valentine. Valentine must've had a lot of practice attacking so quickly because I didn't have a chance to counterattack. Every time she hit the ground, she instantly hopped back up into the air to come at me again. I stumbled for a second; I knew that second was probably all the time the lemon lady needed to lock on to me. I was ready for the end when-

"QUUUUUUAAAAAAAACK"

I looked up to see that Carue had leaped into the air and was dropkicking Miss Valentine. When they separated, Carue landed on his feet while Valentine landed on her side. I ran over to Vivi's duck and asked, "Where have _you _been this whole time?!" The response I got was 'Quack quack quack'. "I just remembered I can't understand you," I deadpanned.

"Hey! I'm not done with you yet!" We looked to see Valentine back on her feet. She changed tactics and simply charged at us. I raised my right leg and snap kicked her in the stomach but to my surprise, that didn't stop her. She tackled me to the ground with her hands around my neck bones. "10,000 Kilogram Choke!" she yelled. I could feel the pressure increase immediately.

At this rate, she'd break my neck. "Do something, Carue!" I yelled. Thankfully, I was able to speak just fine since I didn't have a windpipe to be crushed. The duck answered my call and kicked Valentine in the face. The hit caused her to let go of my neck, giving me the chance to do something I've wanted to do for a while. I pointed my fist at her and, "Rocket punch!" my fist launched off my wrist and hit her in the face. That attack seemed to have done the trick and knocked her out. I got up and walked over to the supersonic duck, putting a hand on his head.

"Thanks, man. If you hadn't helped out, I would've been toast. Warm, buttery toast."

Carue drooled at that, while I just sighed.

"I miss being able to eat stuff," I whined. Suddenly, we all heard, "Gum-Gum Rifle!" and looked just in time to see Luffy landing the finishing blow on Mr. 3.

_A few minutes earlier_

Luffy had tried punching this 3 guy, but all he got for that was his hands encased in wax. Then while Mr. 3 was about to make another move, something struck him in the back of the head. He angrily turned around, "Wax-Wax Harpoon!" firing his attack at his aggressor, the Straw Hats' navigator. Nami wasted no time in dodging the projectile. She looked around for Fencer, knowing the fire ferret would be a big help. "Hey, Fencer, where are you?! Why aren't you fighting this guy!?"

"I would, but I'm enjoying this nice tea," Fencer said, sipping from a cup she got from seemingly nowhere. Nami got a tick mark at the sight of this, "Why the hell are you drinking tea at a time like this!?"

"The same reason you're laughing," said Miss Goldenweek. Before Nami could react, she burst into laughter, unable to stop.

"Colors Trap," Goldenweek announced to herself.

Vivi looked at Nami in confusion, then at Goldenweek, "What did you do to her!?" The artsy Baroque Works agent looked at her, "That was Laughter Yellow. And I already hit your skeleton with Sadness Blue." She directed Vivi's gaze with her paintbrush, showing Skeleton Buddy sitting down, hugging his legs to his chest with a storm cloud hovering over him. A quick once over and Vivi saw he had a blue sigil on his skull. "You're next," she warned.

Vivi went on the attack; gracefully dodging every splash of paint Goldenweek threw at her. Once she got close enough, she delivered multiple cuts with her peacock slashers. Goldenweek collapsed and the Straw Hats under her spell suddenly came to their senses. They walked over to Vivi, "You did it!" Nami congratulated her. "Anyone else feel like she went down kinda easily?" Fencer asked before sipping some tea from the cup she held with her tail. The others just looked at her. "What? Just because I was brainwashed doesn't mean this isn't good."

"GUYS, LOOK OUT!"

The group turned when hearing Luffy's voice and saw a large wave of wax heading towards them. They all leaped out of the way, as Mr. 3 glared at the crew. "Alright, I'm through fooling around," he snarled as he started producing tons of wax. It piling it around his body to create a giant suit of armor. "This piece is my Candle Champion and it will be the last thing you ever see today."

"Who cares?" Fencer said smugly, "I'll just melt that thing like I did with that cake thing of yours." She launched a stream of fire from her mouth, however, 3 sidestepped it with more agility than his armor's size would suggest. Charging the group, Mr. 3 began throwing several giant punches. Everyone avoided him as best they could and Luffy attempted to counterattack. "Gum-Gum Twin Pistol!" His one-two punch broke the wax covering his own fists, but 3's armor was too thick for it to have much effect. The Baroque Works agent tried to swat the straw-hatted boy, only for Luffy to narrowly backflip away from him. SB attacked next, but rather than damage 3's armor, his punch just hurt his own knuckles. Nami and Vivi would've loved to contribute, but they knew if two of their heavy hitters couldn't stop the enemy, they'd have no luck either.

The crew was forced to stay on the defensive at this point. Fencer's fire attacks would have been useful, but Mr. 3 was taking special care to keep an eye on her and evade her attacks. "Where the hell are those stego-whatevers?!" Nami shouted in frustration. The whole crew took a split second to look around and saw the two stegosaurs eating some nearby bushes. SB called for them, "Cain, Abel, sic 'em!" Recognizing their master's voice (or in this case, the clone of their master), the dinos started lumbering towards Mr. 3. The Baroque Works agent let out a laugh, "Really? Sending a pair of brutes who're slow in more ways than one? _This _is your plan for a comeback?" he said, rearing back a fist.

The dino duo realized an attack was coming and turned around as quickly as they could. Mr. 3 threw his punch. Abel swung his tail in retaliation. The two attacks met, and to the surprise of all, 3's wax fist shattered. Cain went next, swinging his tail at 3's torso, crushing the wax armor. "I didn't know they were that strong," SB muttered to himself. Luffy, while amazed, wasn't too stunned to act; he leaped toward the now unarmored Mr. 3, coiling his arm. "Gum-Gum Rifle!" The punch hit the wax-man square in the face, breaking one of the lenses of his glasses and knocking him out.

Everyone sighed in relief… the fight was finally over.

_Line Break_

I quickly ran over to Seth and lightly whacked him on the snout, waking him up. Together, we walked over to our captain and the others. "Hey, guys! We beat the Mr. 5 pair!" Usopp bragged.

"Sweet. We just beat that 3 guy," Luffy replied. "He tried to cover us in his sticky white stuff, but we still won."

We all facefaulted at his choice of words. Remembering that our giant friend was still pinned down, I sent Fencer to free Brogy's limbs and dispelled Skeleton Buddy.

"Hey, did anyone get any bug bites?" I said out of the blue, remembering one crucial detail from this arc.

"Why does that matter?" Luffy asked.

"Bug bites can do some pretty nasty stuff to you, Luffy. You could get an unimaginably horrible rash from another dimension." Luffy and Usopp paled at that.

"Your skeleton friend is right," Brogy agreed. "Back before Dorry and I began our duels, we lost one or two crewmates to bug-related diseases. It was humbling to see mighty warriors like ourselves felled by such small creatures."

"Uuuugggh, what'd I miss?" Dorry said, waking up from his not-so-fatal injury.

"EEEEEEHHHHH?!" Everyone except me shouted in surprised confusion.

After a minute of surprise, the giants deduced that Dorry survived their fight due to the dull weapons they were using; Sanji arrived with the Eternal Pose to Alabasta.

"So, everyone is _sure _they're not bitten?" I asked as we walked back to the ship, wanting to be sure.

"_Yes_, no one was bitten," it sounded like Usopp was getting annoyed by me repeating that question. Then we heard a light smack and saw Nami take her hand off her wrist. My bones were naturally white so that saved me the trouble of turning pale. I whispered two faint words to myself, "Oh fuck."

Fencer heard that, having resumed her perch on my shoulder, "What? Why 'oh fuck'?"

"You're gonna find out why, Fencer. Trust me." I told her. Trying to ignore the future issue, I decided to tend to the matter of my dinosaur team. I always knew I'd have to leave them here since they obviously wouldn't fit on the ship.

"Well, guys, this is goodbye," I said. Seth made some vocalizations, which Fencer kindly translated, "What do you mean, Master?"

I looked at Seth, "I mean I'm leaving with my friends and I can't take you with me. You won't fit on our ship."

Cain 'spoke up' next, "Master leave forever?"

I shook my head, "Not forever, but a long time."

"So Master comes back?" Abel 'said'.

"Someday, yes. But while I'm gone… I'll miss you guys." This discussion was starting to make my heart ache. I gave each one of them a final pat on the head and started walking back towards the ship.

"Thanks for translating," I told Fencer.

"No problem…but you owe me a belly rub later."

Dorry and Brogy instructed us to sail straight forward. Although I knew what lied ahead of us, I stuck to Luffy's 'no spoiler' policy. I was a little worried about Nami's upcoming illness, however, I also felt good knowing we'd get another crewmate soon.


	8. Chapter 8 - Let it Snow

Chapter 8

Following Dorry and Brogy's directions, we proceeded to sail straight forward. Hardly a minute later, the sea parted, revealing a _gigantic _goldfish. The entire crew's reaction was, "HOLY SHIT!" while I coolly sat, waiting for what would happen next. It was too late to change direction and we proceeded directly into its open mouth.

"Don't worry, guys. Dorry and Brogy have got this," I tried to assure everyone. I was met with varying cries of disbelief. Seconds later, we heard the giants call out their attack name, "HAKOKU SOVEREIGNTY!" The goldfish was suddenly split open, freeing our ship and allowing us to continue sailing. Now that I think about it, even if the giants were planning to save us, why would they pretty much direct us right towards the goldfish?

Trying to distract myself from Nami's inevitable illness, I offered to spar with Zoro, which he happily took me up on. That lasted several hours, but eventually, I made my way up to the crow's nest and, realizing I didn't have much to do -, "Hey, Declan! I need some help down here!" Nami called out. Guess I spoke too soon… or thought too soon.

I headed to the map room where Nami had called me. As I walked through the door, I saw her sitting at her desk. "Yeah?" I asked her simply. She gestured to the charts she was drawing, "The waters we're currently in are starting to get turbulent, so I need you to hold my chart still while I draw it." One thing about that perplexed me, "Why can't someone else help you with this?" She got an annoyed look on her face, "Because Zoro's napping, Sanji's in the kitchen, Usopp's in his workshop, Luffy's a spaz, and Vivi's playing patty cake with Carue," she listed. The moment she said that last thing, I checked outside and saw that Vivi and Carue were indeed playing patty cake. That gave me a quick chuckle as I took hold of her chart; the process didn't take very long, given her skill. As I left the room, Fencer asked a really weird question, "Humans are mammals, right?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked, confused. Fencer looked back at the map room, "Something about her scent is off."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's kind of like that of a reptile."

"…What?"

_Line Break_

A couple days later, everyone on the ship was minding their own business when Zoro noticed something strange with Nami. "Is something wrong?"

"No, why?" she said.

"You seem unsteady on your feet. You sure you're ok?"

"I'll be fine. Trust me."

Despite her insistence, Zoro kept his eye on her as she hobbled away. Then, as he felt something crawling up his back, he heard Fencer whisper into his ear, "You noticed something is up with her too?"

The swordsman nodded, "Yeah, but I'm not sure exactly what's wrong wit-,"

"Wait a second, dude! Look at her feet!" glancing down, he noticed that the navigator's heels were raised slightly off the ground. "She wouldn't bother doing that on purpose, right?" the fire ferret asked.

"And the mystery deepens," I said, walking up to the two. They just stared at me, causing me to shrug, "I was eavesdropping on you guys."

"_Why?"_ they chorused.

I shrugged again, "I'm bored."

_Line Break_

As more time went by, the sky started clouding up and yet another thing was amiss with our navigator: her skin seemed darker than normal. "Hey, Nami, have you been tanning?" Luffy asked her innocently. "What? No, I've had my hands full directing the… ship." Her pause near the end concerned Luffy a bit.

"Uuuuh, are you _sure_ you're ok?"

"Yes, Luffy, I'm fi-," Nami paused again. "Ok… maybe I'm not fine. I'm gonna go rest."

Later that week, Nami still wasn't getting better, and eventually, Vivi just confirmed what we were all thinking. "HEY, EVERYONE, NAMI'S REALLY SICK!" The princess had assembled us in the girls' cabin. It was just like she said, Nami was sick: her face was flushed, her skin had darkened, her nails were sharper, and… Wait, what the fuck?

"Guys? Are her teeth normally pointy like that?" Fencer asked. Luffy shook his head, "No, her teeth only get sharp when she's yelling at us for being stupid." I knew he was being serious, but I laughed a little at that anyway. "Wait a second," our captain continued. "Sanji, cook her some meat. That should fix her up." Sanji just kicked him, "A good meal won't fix something like this, you idiot!"

"What exactly is wrong with her anyway?" Usopp wondered aloud.

Vivi shook her head "I have no idea. I've never seen anything like this before."

"I doubt any of us have," Zoro said before looking in my direction. "Except you." And suddenly all eyes were on me. "Don't look at me," I said with my hands held up in defense. "This isn't what happened in the story; there she just got a high fever."

"What do we do about it?" Sanji asked.

I shrugged helplessly, "I don't know."

_Line Break_

Tension on the ship didn't decrease; if anything, it only increased. As the days went by, Nami's condition got worse. We took turns checking up on her and every other time we did, something seemed different. Her teeth were getting even sharper; Zoro said her pinky and ring fingers were shrinking; Usopp felt her forehead to get her temperature, which was really high, but what's really weird was that he said her skin was starting to feel _scaly._

I tried hard to lift everyone's spirits but failed miserably: I tried telling jokes to Luffy and Usopp, but I'm a mediocre joker; I gave Fencer that belly rub I promised but that also didn't work; I even made snickerdoodles, but that didn't work either.

The next day, snow started falling, which gave me an idea. I waited for an evening when everyone was on deck.

"I love snow," I sighed. "It reminds me of a certain song."

"What song?" Luffy asked.

"You could say it's a 'valley winter song'," I answered, hoping that mentioning the song's name would work. And it did! The background music started playing! "It goes something like this," I said. And with that, I started singing.

"Hey sweet Annie  
Don't take it so bad  
You know that summer's coming soon  
Though the interstate is choking under salt and dirty sand  
And it seems the sun is hiding from the moon"

The whole crew was looking at me in surprise. I reeeeeaaaaalllllly hope they're liking this so far. I continued with the song.

"Your daddy told you  
When you were a girl  
The kind of things that come to those who wait  
So give it a rest girl  
And take a deep breath, girl  
And meet me at the Bay State tonight"

Time for the chorus.

"And the snow is coming down  
On our New England town  
And it's been falling all day long  
What else is new?What can I do?  
I wrote a valley winter song  
To play for you"

Luffy and Usopp were starting to dance while Fencer and Carue were tapping their feet to the rhythm. I moved on to the second verse.

"And late December  
Can drag a man down  
You feel it deep in your gut  
Short days and afternoons spent pottering around  
In a dark house with the windows painted shut  
Remember New YorkStaring outside  
As reckless winter made its way  
From Staten Island, to the Upper West side  
Whiting out our streets along the way"

Zoro, Vivi, and Sanji were smiling by now. Looks like everyone's mood is finally improving! Time for the next chorus.

"And the snow is coming down  
On our New England town  
And it's been falling all day long  
What else is new?  
What can I do?  
But sing this valley winter song  
I wrote for you"

At this point, my shyness had won out. I looked at the sky, "Ok, that's enough!" I yelled, raising my hands in the air. The background music faded out, earning various reactions from us: surprise from me, since it actually obeyed my request; disappointment from Luffy, Usopp, Fencer, and Carue because my song was done; and confusion from Vivi, Sanji, and Zoro at my sudden decision to stop singing.

"Aw, why'd you stop, Declan? That was awesome! Why didn't you tell us you could sing?" Luffy asked.

I chuckled awkwardly. "I'm self-conscious about my singing voice," I muttered, rubbing the back of my head.

"Are you kidding? That was great! Right, guys?" Fencer said, getting nods from the rest of the crew.

"Oh… thanks."

"Hey, uh, Declan? I have a question," Usopp started.

"Yes?"

"What's an interstate?"

"What's a Bay State?"

"What's New England?"

Usopp, Luffy, and Fencer asked respectively.

"Quack, quack."

"He just asked what New York is," Fencer translated for Carue.

That got a sigh out of me. And so began a lengthy explanation about the geography of my world. That night, everyone went to bed in a good mood. So, mission accomplished.

_Line Break_

The next night, the whole crew was asleep. Well, except for me of course. I had Skeleton Buddy in the crow's nest while I patrolled the deck. It was honestly pretty boring.

In a slightly desperate effort to pass the time, I snuck into everybody's rooms one by one and took a few minutes to watch them sleep… I don't care how fucking creepy that is.

I opened the door to the girls' room and, standing there, holding a big bag of Nami's money, was somebody I never could have expected.

Standing at seven feet tall, if you counted the two red spikes on his head, he looked almost exactly like his Bionicle set. His right arm sported a set of pincers and was longer than his left arm. He had his back to me when I walked in, so I saw his tail before he could turn around. The tail wasn't two stiff pieces like his set; it was a single, flowing, and organic-looking body part. The red spikes on his head weren't the only spikes; he also had one positioned slightly above each of his knees. Lastly, there was his huge shoulder armor. He was impressive in real life. This being was Mantax… and I was fucking speechless. As he turned around, his red eyes met my eyeless sockets.

Our little staring contest only lasted a few seconds before I pulled myself together and did the sensible thing. "INTRUDER!"

That woke up Vivi and made Mantax decide to bail. He rushed at me, swept my knee, and then ran out the door… _sideways_? I guess that explains how he managed to enter the room despite those shoulder pads of his, although it was still a tight fit.

While Vivi was getting her bearings, I ran out the door onto the deck to see that Skeleton Buddy had confronted our intruder. The black and gray Bionicle character feigned a thrust with his pincers and then threw a Spartan kick. SB fell for the feint and was sent flying ten feet.

Zoro was the first of the crew to appear on the quarterdeck, and he was surprised as well to see Mantax. His surprise didn't stun him for long, he hopped off from his perch throwing a downward slash. Mantax caught the blade between the tips of his pincers, much to the swordsman's shock. Once again, the shock didn't last long, but it was enough time for the seven-foot, living Lego set to roundhouse kick him across the deck. Mantax looked around to see Vivi, Sanji, and Usopp appearing on the quarterdeck. Seeing he was outnumbered, he lowered his arms to his sides and stood completely still. Next thing we knew, he was gone. None of us could figure out what happened, it was like he just popped out of existence.

Usopp pulled out his slingshot, "Special attack: Multi-Ketchup Star!" His projectiles hit nothing but thin air and splattered on the floor. It seemed like we'd lost our perp until a footprint appeared in the ketchup. Sanji leaped down, doing multiple front-flips to gain momentum, and brought his foot down where the footprint appeared. Before he hit the ground, his foot made contact with something. Mantax became visible, showing that our cook's attack had hit him right in the head. Unfortunately, Sanji had grazed his calf on one of his enemy's head spikes in the process. Mantax fell to one knee while Sanji collapsed. I took the opportunity to get close and throw a right hook, knocking our would-be thief out…at least I _think _I knocked him out; his face was just a blank stare.

"Who or _what _exactly is this thing?" Usopp asked, voicing the rest of the crew's thoughts. Before I could explain further, more footsteps caught our attention.

We all turned to see Nami, wrapped in a blanket, on the quarterde-"Holy crap! Your face!"

Real smooth, Luffy. While Sanji kicked our captain for being rude, everyone else rolled their eyes. Though, Luffy wasn't wrong to be surprised. Nami's face looked even more different than before; it was like her face was…_extended _forward, kind of like a muzzle or a snout or whatever.

Vivi gently draped her arm over the redhead's shoulder, "Nami, you need to get back in bed." As the two girls headed back to their cabin, I decided to introduce our intruder. "This is Mantax, everybody."

"Is that its name or what it is?" Zoro asked.

"It's his name."

Before any other questions could be asked about him, Luffy asked a question of his own, "Hey, is Sanji gonna be okay?"

We all looked to see our cook still lying on the ground totally limp.

Oh fuck. "Ok guys, I need to explain everything about our thief now because it's important. He's not from the comic I mentioned before and his powers are basically stealthiness and venom."

"That sounds kinda like an alien ninja."

I didn't even bother acknowledging that. I had more urgent matters to deal with. "Hey, Usopp, got any rope? We need to tie this guy up and then help Sanji."

The sniper quickly produced some rope and helped me tie up our prisoner. Wrapping rope around his torso would be difficult given his…_unorthodox _build, so we tied his legs together and then tied his arms to his legs.

Zoro re-addressed an important point, "Is that venom you mentioned lethal?"

"It's a venom that paralyzes muscles and organs."

"But that would mean things like his heart and lungs would be paralyzed!" the swordsman shouted in alarm.

"HE'S OKAY, GUYS!" Usopp called out. He had his head to Sanji's chest, "His heart's beating just fine." He looked at the cook's chest to see it still expanding and contracting. "And he's still breathing too."

Luffy looked at me, "How long does the venom take to work?"

"It's supposed to take effect right away," I replied. I was sure those were the effects of Mantax's venom, so why was Sanji still breathing?

"Well, if there's no immediate danger, can we just bandage his leg wound and get back to bed?" Zoro whined.

_Line Break_

Then the morning came. I was glad the crew was awake so there were people to entertain me. On the other hand, being up all night all by myself gave me time to think about our new prisoner. If Mantax was here, does that mean other Bionicle characters will show up?

On the no-sleeping topic, I've been staying up all night every night. For some reason, I hadn't slept or even felt tired since I ate my Devil Fruit. Is it because I don't have a brain? That's the part of you that needs sleep the most, right? Eh, what do I know about stuff like that?

I snapped out of my thoughts as a news coo landed on the railing of our ship to deliver the morning paper. I walked over to the coo. "Hey there."

The bird chirped his salutation and handed me a paper. I handed him some beris and began to read the headlines. _'Huh, new type of transponder snail discovered?'_ Reading further, I saw the troubling headline about three hundred thousand royal soldiers defecting for the rebellion. After a couple of minutes, my mind started wandering, which actually gave me an idea.

"Hey, Fencer." Upon hearing her name called, said fire ferret walked over to me. "Yeah?"

"I'm gonna teach you how to read."

"Uh, okay?"

After a brief minute to gather some paper and a pencil, we got started. "Okay, this is the letter 'A'," I wrote both upper-case and lower-case versions. "It makes an 'ah' sound." My teaching plan involved starting with the sounds of the individual letters of the alphabet. Then we'd move on to actual words. That's how I learned it in school and since I wasn't teaching her to write, that might save us some time.

Then I heard a certain someone call out, "Breakfast is ready!"

"It can't be," I said. I went to the kitchen to see Sanji up and about. "How are you moving? I thought you were paralyzed!" I just couldn't contain my shock. Was the venom just temporary? I could swear it wasn't supposed to be.

Our chef blew some smoke, "I'm not sure what happened. All I know is when I woke up, I could move around just fine." He winced for a second, "My leg still hurts though."

_Line Break_

As we were making our way from Little Garden in search of a doctor, I continued working with Fencer. She was learning surprisingly fast. It was a pretty nice feeling to know I was able to teach so well. At this rate, we might even be done by the time we finish saving Alabasta.

As for the rest of the crew, they were sailing the ship, minding their own business. Mantax still hadn't spoken a single word.

As we cruised along, the snow was still falling and everything was going smoothly…until Zoro spotted something.

"Hey, guys? I see a man standing on the sea."

"Is it another ninja?" Luffy asked excitedly. Zoro answered that with a "No."

I recognized him instantly. It was Chess. He looked as dumb in real life as he did in the anime, with that ridiculous jester outfit and those weird, zigzag lips of his. He broke the ice by calling out, "It's very chilly today. Wouldn't you agree?"

Nodding their heads, Usopp and Luffy agreed with him.

"It's not that cold to me," I said to no one in particular. For some reason, I hadn't been feeling cold until the snow started falling, and even then I only felt it when the snowflakes actually touched me. Simply put, I can apparently only feel the temperature of things that are physically touching me.

"Pfft, lightweights. I'm not even a little bit cold," that didn't really mean much coming from a fire ferret.

Suddenly, something began emerging from the sea almost directly beneath us. We scrambled to grab onto something to avoid falling over. But after a minute, things settled down.

"Holy crap. Is that thing a watermelon?" Luffy wondered out loud.

Fencer facefaulted at that. "That's not a watermelon, idiot!"

Right after she said that, the big metal object began a transformation sequence, turning into a more proper-looking pirate ship. The crew was in slight awe as they watched, that is, until guys in green coats with rifles filed off the big ship onto ours and surrounded us.

Sanji came out of our makeshift sickroom and was surrounded as well. "What's going on out here?"

"Yeah, what's with the hostility?" I asked the rifle-toting goons. "But don't you already know?" Fencer whispered to me. My response was, "Yeah, I do. I'm just making small talk."

And then he appeared. The short, fat, metallic tyrant of Drum Island himself: Wapol. One thing I've always wondered is if his metallic-looking parts were natural, or just a result of assimilating the metal he probably eats with his Devil Fruit. Perhaps it could also be some sort of armor too.

The ugly bastard was eating a piece of meat off a sword. "Ahoy, peasants," that was a pretty rude greeting. No surprise. "Out of curiosity: are you really a group of pirates? Your crew seems rather small." I came up with the perfect response to that instantly.

"We're a skeleton crew," I told him. The rest of the crew sweatdropped at that remark while Wapol looked indifferent and ate the sword he was holding. "Ah, ha. I see what you did there. Anyway-" seeing that the conversation was about to go the way it did in canon, I took Fencer off my shoulder and whispered to her, "Get ready to fight, also, try not to use fire attacks."

"Why?"

"Because the Merry is mostly made of wood," her eyes widened a little, but she nodded.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm feeling a bit hu-" no way was I letting him eat part of our ship. I charged the fatso, hitting him in the face with a hammer fist. "How dare you!" some goon shouted. Then the fighting got started. Luffy punched, Sanji kicked, Usopp fired, Zoro slashed, and I… also punched. It looked like my sparring with Zoro was starting to pay off; I was able to dodge most of the slashes from goons that were wielding swords. During the fight, I caught a glimpse of Fencer. She took advantage of her small stature to run around and slash the heels of our enemies.

The fight lasted about a minute and ended the same way it did in the show. Luffy launched Wapol off the ship into the distance, with only a glint in the horizon remaining. The twinkle he made made me laugh.

"GET THIS THING OFF ME!" We turned our attention to three of Wapol's henchmen. Fencer was crawling all over the guy in the middle, scratching and biting him. The other two took turns trying to hit Fencer with their rifles, but Fencer would dodge the hits, letting the blows land on her victim instead. It was a cartoon-esque scenario that I think everyone's familiar with.

After a few more seconds of this comedy, Fencer shot a few small fireballs from her mouth at the other two green coats, knocking them out. The remaining forces on Wapol's ship gathered up the defeated men and left, shouting stuff like 'Save the king,' and 'He can't swim.'

"Well, that just happened," I commented.

The calm did not last long. We heard screams coming from below deck.

Rushing down to check it out, we found some of Wapol's men had apparently been left behind and were now preoccupied with an unrestrained Mantax.

One man slashed at the Barraki in panicked self-defense, but Mantax used his longer reach to strike first and pierced the guy's temples with the tips of his pincers.

Releasing the goon, he set his sights on the last guy and was on him in an instant. He grabbed him by the shoulders, pulled him close, and sank his mandibles into the poor sucker's lower jaw before pulling away and ripping it off.

Luffy and Fencer were shocked, Usopp was rightfully horrified, Zoro and Sanji kept calm, and I was a little calmer than I thought I'd be - maybe it was all those horror movies I've seen. Either way, once we all got over what we just saw, we surrounded Mantax.

He looked around at all of us and finally spoke for the first time, "I surrender."

We were all surprised. I guess he figured he wouldn't be able to escape.

Luffy went and asked something we were all thinking, "How did you get untied?"

The escapee gave no reply.

Luffy kept a stern look, "Usopp, do you have any chains?"

_Line Break_

Within a few more hours, Drum Island appeared on the horizon.

"LAND HO!" Usopp shouted.

Luffy looked so excited. "Alright! I can't wait to play in all this snow!"

"We can play around _after _we find a doctor, Luffy," Sanji reminded him.

"Guys?" I called their attention. "Just a heads-up, we're not gonna get a warm welcome," the whole crew groaned at that; I realized what I'd said. "That pun wasn't intended."

It was just like I said; once we got far enough inland, villagers with guns surrounded us on all sides.

"Hey, pirates! Leave now!" one of them spoke up.

"Wait, we have a sick crewmate aboard," Luffy protested.

"Good," the villagers sneered. "Then there'll be one less pirate in the world."

Sanji took a drag from his cigarette, "Look, buddy, I promise we're not gonna cause any harm."

"You expect us to believe that crap?" It was then that their mayor, Dalton, showed up. "This is your last warning, pirates, leave now or we'll shoot."

The lack of cooperation was annoying me, but I kept a polite tone to avoid a fight, "Please. I swear on my grandma's grave that we won't-"

"Fuck your grandma!" a random guy yelled. _BANG _

For a split second, I had time to process what had just happened. A bullet had just pierced my forehead.

**"Valley Winter Song" belongs to the Fountains of Wayne.**


	9. Chapter 9 - Let it Snow Part 2

**I would've posted this sooner, but I've been busy and lazy at the same time.**

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" I kept screaming nonstop. I could barely think straight. This hurt so fucking much! After what felt like forever, I was able to focus enough to drag myself to the kitchen. I got some milk from the fridge and poured it on my damaged skull. The hole and surrounding cracks mended themselves almost right away. Although I could still feel some phantom pain from the gunshot wound, it was at least bearable now. A bullet to the head hurts _so _much worse when you're still alive to feel it.

As I walked out of the kitchen, I noticed my crewmates looking at me with relief while the islanders were staring at me in shock. _'Ok, they're clearly surprised by my recovery. Just play it cool, don't wanna freak them out further,'_ I thought. I gave a double thumbs-up to everybody, "I'm ok!" _'Dammit!'_

"You're alright!?" Luffy shouted happily. I nodded, "Remember how I healed myself last time?" My captain looked like he was thinking hard for a moment, "Oooooh, right."

The islanders were visibly scared, some of their jaws dropping, "He's a monster!" But before the situation could escalate, I got down on one knee- which I'm pretty sure is a type of bowing- and pleaded, "This monster is begging for your help."

With the tension in the air beginning to break, Vivi looked back at our crew, "Guys, please don't forget why we're here. We need a doctor for Nami," with that, she bowed down as well, prompting the rest of the crew to follow her example.

It seemed to be working, the residents of Drum Island looked amongst themselves for confirmation before Dalton made his decision, "Lower your arms, everyone." Once his forces had done so, he continued, "Very well, we shall let you on our island. My name is Dalton, the mayor of the nearby village, Bighorn. Follow us."

As I was about to hop to shore, Luffy stopped me, "Wait, Declan, you're the ship guard; you have to stay here." "Oh, right." Skeleton Buddy materialized next to me, "Ready for guard duty, Captain," he said unenthusiastically; probably because he was just gonna be sitting on the ship this whole arc with little to do besides watch Mantax.

Suddenly, Luffy got a thoughtful look on his face for a few seconds before apparently getting an idea. "Wait a second, how about instead of Declan coming with us, Other Declan comes instead?" he suggested. Skeleton Buddy and I looked at each other before deciding we shouldn't bother questioning his reasoning or lack thereof.

So, I stayed on the ship with Carue, while the rest of the crew hopped onto shore. I sighed and asked the big duck, "Wanna play cards or somethin'?"

_Line Break_

As they walked through the forest, Skeleton Buddy decided this would be a good time to make something clear to Luffy, "Hey, Captain?"

"Yeah?"

"My name isn't 'Other Declan,' just call me SB."

"SB?"

"It stands for Skeleton Buddy."

"It does?"

"Yeah. Remember when we first met? Declan and I told you guys then," SB said, hoping he made his point.

A big grey bear with a walking stick was approaching. Dalton turned to face the crew, "This creature is a hiking bear, everyone bow." The crew did so. Once the bear passed by, everybody continued Before long, the crew reached the village, Bighorn, and headed to Dalton's house. "Alright, let me see if there's anything I can do for your crewmate," the mayor instructed.

They set Nami down gently on the bed for Dalton to examine her, and when he did, "Oh my," he said. "I don't know what this is, but you should get her to the doctor immediately."

"Alright, where is he?" Usopp questioned.

"_She _could be anywhere. She goes from town to town on a whim, treating any patients she finds. And her fees are often… costly."

"Do you have a way to contact this doctor?" Sanji asked Dalton.

"No, we don't have any transponder snails on this island," he answered.

"And even if they did, transponder snails don't work in cold weather," Skeleton Buddy added.

Luffy had been thinking for the last few seconds and came to a decision, "Ok, I guess we'll just have to find this doctor ourselves. Where does she hang out most?"

"That would be the castle at the top of the mountain."

"Then that's where we're taking Nami. Who's with me?" the Straw Hat captain asked.

"I am," SB said.

Sanji volunteered next, "A gentleman should always help a lady in need."

SB jabbed a thumb at Fencer, "She's also in." The fire ferret pouted at that, "Why do _I_ have to go?"

"Because it's freezing out there and we may need some extra heat. Speaking of which, how'd Vivi get you to act as a heater for her?"

"She paid me," Fencer explained, pulling out some beris.

"Did… did you just take that out of a pocket?"

"Yeah, so?"

"I can't believe you have pockets. That's so cute!"

"Hey, SB, let's get going!" Luffy said, already out the door. The skeleton and chef quickly followed their captain outside.

"Waitwaitwait," SB turned around at the doorway to the small number of villagers that had joined the crew in Dalton's house and adopted a stern tone. "Before we go, which one of you people insulted my grandma?"

_Line Break_

Although the four Straw Hats had only just begun their journey, it was already going horribly. The snow had started coming down harder, reducing visibility and making it difficult for the pirates to find their way.

"Dude, this snow is harsh. I can barely see my paw in front of my face," Fencer commented from SB's shoulder.

"Uh, guys?" The three looked over to Sanji to see him pointing, then followed his finger to the sight of creatures rising from the snow. They resembled a cross between a rabbit and a bear and had blood-red eyes. Unphased by the creatures, Luffy barked out, "Hey, move it! We need to get our friend to the doctor!" As the bunny-bears advanced forward, SB decided to educate his captain, "Luffy, these are lapahns, and trust me, they're not gonna listen to you."

"So we just fight?" Fencer asked. Sanji said, taking a fighting stance, "Seems like it." The lapahns charged and the Straw Hats fought back. The chef of the crew went on the offensive, kicking the rabbit monsters one after another. In contrast, Luffy and Skeleton Buddy let their enemies come to them. Luffy was backing off slowly, not wanting jostle Nami too much while Fencer used her flamethrower attack on any lapahn that got too close. SB was simply hesitant to go on the offensive, being nervous about facing so many adversaries at once. Despite his doubt, he tapped into his martial arts training and dispatched his enemies with punches and kicks.

Fencer spared SB a glance in all the chaos, "I bet you wish you stayed on the ship instead of the other you," she jokingly taunted.

_Line Break_

"Got any 2s?" I asked. Carue shook his head, so I drew from the deck. The duck lightly stomped his foot four times, which was his way of asking for a 4 card. I handed him the card, but before I could get one from him, we heard a shout. We looked to see one of Wapol's men running away from the ship.

Moments later, the ship was surrounded by green-coated goons along with the tyrant himself.

"You!" the fatso yelled. "You have some nerve. You claimed to have never heard of this place, throw me into the sea, and then have the balls to show your faces on MY island, and- Wait, where's Straw Hat and the rest of your friends?"

_'Oh, right. Wapol checks the Merry when he shows up. Totally forgot about this part.' _"They're gone. I'm the ship guard," I answered simply.

"If I may make a suggestion, my king?" Chess interjected. "The Straw Hats put up quite a nasty fight in our last encounter. Perhaps they would be more docile if we had some hostages."

Wapol grinned wickedly, "Excellent idea. Seize them, men!"

I tensed up. Last time, I had the rest of the crew with me, but now I was solo. Carue may have been able to help me when we fought Miss Valentine, but I think that was mostly because he took her by surprise.

"Unchain me."

"Gah!" I flinched. When the hell did Mantax get next to me?

"You can't fight this many enemies alone. I can help," he said.

Alright, I've seen more than enough TV to recognize this scenario: a captive claims they can help in a bad situation, then makes their escape the first chance they get. Unfortunately for me, that offer was pretty tempting.

Wapol's men had gotten aboard by now. I made my choice and undid Mantax's chains.

I mentally sifted through the martial arts I knew and settled on kickboxing. Then the fighting began. I actually did pretty well landing blows on my foes. Fortunately, mook chivalry seemed to be in effect because the goons only attacked two at a time; one for me and one for Mantax. I briefly took note of Mantax's fighting style; he aimed his strikes mostly at vulnerable areas like the groin, throat, and solar plexus. In addition, he sometimes bit enemies with his mandibles.

Eventually, I knocked one guy out, stole his rifle, and pointed it at the crowd of enemies.

"Holy shit! He's got a gun!" one of them cried in terror.

"You idiots! Lots of you have guns!" Wapol pointed out.

His minions all had a look of realization on their faces before pointing any and all guns they had Mantax and me.

We looked at each other and put our hands up.

_Line Break_

The lapahns started to realize they were losing the fight and began jumping up and down. As they continued jumping, they started causing vibrations, something SB and Sanji picked up on. "We need to find cover!" Skeleton Buddy shouted. Fencer hopped back onto his shoulder as they started running

Luffy looked at them in confusion, "Why?"

Sanji gave him the obvious answer, "They're trying to start an avalanche, now move!" That got the point across and Luffy started sprinting to find cover with his crewmates.

As they ran, they heard rumbling, looking back to see tons of snow catching up behind them. The depth of the snow slowed them down, making it seem all the more certain they wouldn't get away. _'Wait a minute,'_ SB thought. He looked at Fencer, _'That's it!'_ He plucked Fencer off his shoulder. "Can you melt all that snow?"

Fencer looked apprehensive, "I don't know. I-I've never tried to melt a whole avalanche."

"Well, try anyway!" the skeleton ordered. Fencer wiggled out of his grip and stood between her crewmates and the avalanche. All the red markings on her body caught fire. She took a deep breath and, "FIRE BLAST!" A stream of flame much larger than her flamethrower shot out of her mouth, melting the part of the avalanche that would've hit them. After a few minutes, the avalanche eventually stopped and Fencer was breathing heavily. SB picked her up, "Good job," he complimented, putting her in Luffy's vest. "So cool," the captain whispered to himself.

The group pressed on, getting closer to the mountain. Along the way, they encountered a sight SB easily recognized from the anime: A baby lapahn trying to dig its parent out of the snow. SB stopped them for a moment, "Hold up, guys." Once he pulled the adult lapahn out of the snow, they continued. "Why'd you bother helping them?" Sanji asked. "Because at this point in the story we-,"

"No spoilers, Declan!" Luffy cut him off.

Skeleton Buddy got a little annoyed, "I told you, Luffy, I'm Skeleton Buddy."

Luffy was unphased by that statement, "Yeah, but you're a clone of Declan, so that means you're Declan."

SB didn't know what to say to that and just kept walking. _'What does a clone have to do to get out of his original's shadow?'_

With the avalanche averted and the lapahns dealt with, the gang could breathe a little easier as they continued on their journey. Everything seemed to be going well compared to how things went in canon, even the snow had started to lighten up. Sanji's back was fine, so Luffy didn't need to carry any extra weight, and since the captain had Fencer heating him up, he could spare Nami his coat. As they walked, SB realized something pleasant: since they avoided the avalanche, they may have saved enough time to make it up the mountain without running into Wapol!

_Meanwhile, back at the village_

Wapol's men had hogtied my hands and feet behind my back. Interestingly, they tied up Mantax the same way our crew had tied him up. They really went overboard with Carue, tying him in so much rope that he looked like a mummy.

Being taken prisoner kind of pissed me off. I mean, sure there wasn't much we could've done, but still. Besides that, it was about as boring as guarding the ship, so I decided to chat up with Mantax. "Sooo, how'd you get on our ship?" The big guy said nothing.

Maybe not my best attempt at small talk. Hmmm, there's gotta be something that'll get a response out of him… That's it! "Hey, if we break out and actually work together, maybe we can beat all these guys," I whispered.

"No."

I should've known he wouldn't like that idea, but at least he gave a verbal reply. "Come on, teamwork works when the Toa do it," I persisted.

That did it. He turned his head toward me and asked, "How do you know about Toa? None of them are present in this world."

"I'm from another world too."

Dalton's confrontation with Wapol had begun, which ensured that our conversation wouldn't be noticed.

"Really? What was your reason for coming?" the Bionicle villain inquired.

I guess this is an interrogation, "I don't have a reason. actually don't know how I got here. What about you?"

"Let's just say I walked into a trap."

We heard something hit the snow and looked at the situation around us. Dalton collapsed, having shielded some villagers from arrows with his body.

Then the ground started rumbling.

I knew what that meant, so I detached my hands and feet and then reattached them, getting free from my ropes in the process. Seeing my breaking out as a sign to do the same, Mantax grunted and tore through his ropes with brute strength. I grabbed Carue and started running as soon as I saw where the avalanche was coming from. Mantax followed closely behind me, giving me a chance to ask another question. "Want to join our crew?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

I didn't get to answer that question before we were buried alive.

_Line Break_

Around 10 minutes later, the crew arrived at the base of the mountain. "Well, we're at the mountain and Sanji's back is fine, so I'd say this is going well," SB said.

"What was that about my back?" said chef asked.

"At this point in the story, you break it or something."

"WHAT!?"

"Or maybe you just sprained it. I forget which. But who cares? That didn't happen here."

Luffy looked up at the mountain, frowning; it was so high, he couldn't see the top, "This isn't gonna be fun, is it?"

"No, Luffy, it isn't." SB walked up to the mountain, grabbed some handholds, and started climbing, his crewmates following suit.

_Line Break_

Digging myself out of the snow was a hassle. Once I was free, I started digging around, looking for Mantax. "Ok, maybe he's here," I said, picking yet another spot to dig. As I dug, I thought about what I'd said before being caught in the avalanche. Having a guy from Bionicle join the crew would be awesome. The others might need some convincing, but I don't think Luffy would mind Mantax being on-board. My thoughts were interrupted when a big, black foot shot out of the spot I was digging and hit me in the chest, knocking me back.

Mantax worked himself free from the snow "Oh, it's you. I was expecting one of the fat man's henchmen."

"Hey, you!"

We looked over to see some of Wapol's men aiming their guns at us while the rest of them stopped the villagers from reaching the pile of snow I knew Dalton was buried under.

"I guess I asked for that," Mantax sighed.

"This'd be a good time to try that teamwork I mentioned," I said.

Mantax looked annoyed, or at least I think he did. His face was about as expressive as mine, "That again? First, you ask me to work together with you and then you ask me to join your crew. What even brought those up all of a sudden?"

"Uuuuh." Come on, brain, think of something. Anything! No matter how random! "How about if I can give you six good reasons for you to join our crew, will you join?"

"Six? Most people would say three or five."

"So?"

"…Good point. I'll consider it."

Fuck yeah!

The black Barraki walked towards me with a sinister chuckle, "Now, let's practice our 'teamwork.'" He somehow grabbed me by my shin, despite not having fingers, and started using me as a bludgeon.

"THIS! AHHH! ISN'T! WHAT I! OW! FUCKING MEANT!"

"Just relax. You're doing great." I can't believe it. He was messing with me. Every goon Mantax used me to hit was knocked out right away. Only one enemy even got a chance to counterattack, and when he fired his rifle, my 'wielder' just leaned forward and let the shot bounce off his shoulder armor.

The fighting stopped pretty soon, which was great since my bones were aching now. Mantax seemed almost disappointed, "Hmm, I could've sworn there were more of them."

"There were. I got the rest of them."

Mantax dropped me and we looked to see that the new voice's source was-

"Zoro!" I yelled. I swear, it was refreshing to see his face along with Vivi and Usopp.

Our sniper pulled out his slingshot while the swordsman readied his blades, which I noticed were his actual blades, not just stolen from the mooks. "Move away from the skeleton," Zoro ordered.

Mantax raised a hand, "Hold on, your skeleton and I have struck a deal. We are no longer enemies for the time being."

"Then why were you using him as a weapon?" Usopp asked.

"It was his idea," Mantax pointed at me.

I looked at our possible future crewmate, "The word 'teamwork' got lost in translation."

Zoro and Usopp looked uncertain, but eventually lowered their weapons.

"It's nice that that's all settled, but right now we need to help get Dalton out of the snow," Vivi remarked.

We all got to work once she said that. As we dug, we noticed Mantax standing back.

"Hey, if we're on the same side now, you should at least pull your weight," Usopp complained.

"Are any of you the captain of this crew?" Mantax asked in response.

Usopp raised his hand.

"No, he's not," Zoro and I said in unison.

Mantax nodded, "Well, if that's the case, and seeing as how I haven't officially joined this crew yet, I believe this means you can't tell me to help out," he said smugly.

Zoro and Usopp growled while I just sighed. I invited this guy to join the crew knowing full well that he isn't a good person and I guess this is the price I have to pay. Although, I could probably work on that later on.

I distracted myself from the tedium of even _more _digging by talking to Zoro. "Hey, so, what did you do with the crew in Bighorn?"

"Not much. I just went with Vivi and Usopp to look for that doctor but we got caught in an avalanche," the green-haired young man said. "Did it go differently in your comic?"

"You stayed on the ship, got bored, went for a swim in the freezing river, got lost, met the doctor without realizing who she was, then she sent you flying for calling her old, you trained some more, got caught in the avalanche, met up with Vivi and Usopp, then took down all of Wapol's goons by yourself. The end."

Vivi looked dumbfounded, "Um, what?"

"Heh, what an idiot," Mantax cracked. That got a 'Hey!' from the swordsman.

"I followed enough of that to know that that sounds pretty much like Zoro," Usopp commented.

Now that all was said and done, we got back to digging.

_Line Break_

The three Straw Hats had been climbing for what felt like forever…and Luffy asking 'are we there yet?' nonstop wasn't helping.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," said Sanji.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," said SB.

"Are we there yet?"

"No," said Fencer.

"Are we there yet?"

"**Yes, Luffy,"** everyone chorused with tranquil fury.

"…Liars," Luffy said to himself. His friends just grit their teeth and kept climbing.

After another forever of climbing, Fencer saw something. "Guys, I think I see the top!"

"You shouldn't say that, Fencer," SB said.

Luffy looked confused, "Why not?"

SB looked over to him, "Because knowing that you're so close to finishing something can make you relax and lose your adrenaline rush."

Within another twenty minutes or so, the group finally reached the top. Luffy and Sanji collapsed outright; SB felt just fine since he didn't have muscles that could get sore or lungs to run out of breath. Fencer was doing fine as well due to having gotten a free ride from Luffy up the mountain and had recharged enough of her fire power to keep herself and her captain warm.

As the fire ferret crawled out of Luffy's vest and onto SB's shoulder, the two heard the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow and looked to see two figures coming out of the castle. SB recognized them instantly as Kureha and Chopper; the doctors they came for. Kureha then said, "Well, what do we have here?"

Skeleton Buddy wasn't sure what to say to Kureha and Chopper, so he just told them what he came for in the first place, "Please help my friends."

At hearing SB talk, Chopper yelped and hid behind Kureha, only to hilariously fail.

"What the he-," Fencer began to ask before SB put a finger to her lips. "Shh, I'll explain later."

"Did you all climb up the mountain to get here?" the old doctor asked.

Given he had just spent who-knows-how-long climbing said mountain, SB's patience was starting to slip, "Yes, we did. Now please help them."

Kureha frowned, "Watch the tone, kid. Alright, Chopper, help me get them inside."

_Line Break_

Once the good doctors had gotten SB's friends into the castle for treatment, the skeleton and the fire ferret sat out in the hallway where Fencer resumed her questioning, "So, what the hell was that little thing?"

Knowing she was referring to Chopper, SB answered, "That was a reindeer that ate the Human-Human Fruit."

"WHAT!?"

The pair of Straw Hats looked to see Chopper standing in the doorway.

"How… How do you know that?" he asked in a quiet, shaky voice.

"Uuuuuhhh," SB wasn't sure how to explain himself.

Fencer tapped his skull, "Psst, say something, dummy."

SB's mind raced for an answer until he finally said something, "Uh, it's a long story?"

"T-Tell me how you know about my Devil Fruit!" Chopper insisted, raising his voice.

"Ok, ok!" SB raised his hands defensively. He took a second to think about what to say and eventually decided to just be blunt. "I'm from another world."

Chopper squeaked and went back to 'hiding,' "What?! Y-You mean you're an alien!?"

"Yep, and he read about your fruit in a comic book," Fencer added.

"What!?"

'_Wow, kind of a broken record, isn't he?' _"Ok, listen…you listening?" The reindeer nodded. "Alright, in my world, the comic or manga or whatever I read showed the adventures of my crew, the Straw Hat Pirates," SB explained. "Also, I have no idea how I even got to this world."

Chopper took a minute to process what he just heard. "So then you knew about me and my fruit because I helped your friends in that comic?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Well, if that comic book you mentioned told you about your crew's adventures, does that mean you know why one of your friends is all scaly? Because I've never read about anything like that in any textbooks."

"Uh, actually, I don't know about that. _That _didn't happen in the story."

Fencer chipped in, "I've been wondering about that. You said that, in the story, she just got a bad fever. How come that didn't happen here?"

SB thought back to what happened at Little Garden, trying to think about what could've caused this new disease. _'Ok, in canon, Nami and Vivi take down Miss Valentine, then Sanji shows up, and then Nami swats the bug on her stomach and that's how...' _"Wait."

"What? Why 'wait?'" Fencer tilted her head.

"In the comic, the bug bit Nami on her stomach, here it was her wrist."

"So?"

"_So_, if the spot she was bitten was different, then maybe the bug that bit her was different too!" Fencer's eyes widened at that.

The living skeleton turned to the talking reindeer, "Can we see her?"

"Ok, I guess, but-" before Chopper could finish, Luffy appeared behind him.

"Meeeaaat," he drooled.

Chopper's pupils shrank while SB shouted out a warning, "Run, little dude!"

As the captain started chasing the young doctor through the halls, Skeleton Buddy got up off the floor and walked into Nami's room.

_Line Break_

SB and Fencer entered the room. No one else was present besides Nami and themselves. Their navigator had a pained look on her face. The two would've loved to help in some way but simply didn't know what they could do.

"Oh, it's you two." The pair of Straw Hats turned to see Kureha enter the room holding some notes and a vial of blood.

"So, what's up with our friend, Doc?" Fencer asked, pointing at Nami.

The 'young' doctor gently set the vial on the desk and looked through her notes, "This is actually my first time seeing something like this myself. I took a look through a microscope and found that her cells are taking on reptilian traits, but what I don't get is her immune response. Her white blood cells are just… 'wandering around.' It's like they know there's a problem but can't find it."

SB was stunned. There was a disease even a doctor like Kureha didn't know about?

"What was the last island you were on?" she asked.

"Little Garden."

"What was it like?"

"It had dinosaurs on it."

"Hmmm," Kureha took another look at Nami, then picked up the vial of blood and left the room.

A groan was heard. The two Straw Hats looked to see that their navigator's changes were slowly, but visibly, accelerating. Her 'snout' was getting a little longer and her skin scalier. However, the blanket she had concealed whatever other alterations were occurring.

"What the?" SB said.

There was a crash, followed by some screaming. Chopper barged into the room, being clung to by Luffy and Sanji. They exited the room almost as soon as they came in, but the captain and the cook quickly backtracked back into the room to greet their friends.

"Oh, hey, Declan, Fencer, you're awake!"

"Not Declan," SB muttered.

Fencer waved a paw, "We were never NOT awake."

"So, how's Nam-"

"Uuuuuuggh, what happened?"

Everyone looked to see the navigator slowly sitting up in her bed.

"Nami! You're awake!" Luffy grinned.

"Yeah, I'm awake. Now where are w-" she froze. She had gone to rub her eyes when she noticed her hand. Her scaly, three-fingered hand. "W-What?" The next thing that caught her attention was her burgeoning snout. "What-What's going on?" she asked, her voice filling with panic.

Luffy tilted his head, "Oh, that? You've been transforming like that for a while."

Nami's eyes widened at that.

"Shut up, Luffy!" the rest of his friends hissed.

The redhead's breathing sped up. She pushed off her covers and tried to get out of bed but stumbled before she could take two steps. Fortunately, Sanji caught her.

Her standing up allowed the crew to get a better view of her. Fencer noticed that her feet had changed even more and become completely digitigrade. A more obvious mutation was-

"Woah, you have a tail!" Luffy said excitedly. As he said, there was a foot-long tail sticking out from the waist of her pants.

"That wasn't there when we were climbing the mountain. When the hell did that happen?" Fencer wondered out loud.

The captain seemed unphased and even enthusiastic at the situation while his crewmates were just stunned.

"Well, I gotta go catch that meat! See you guys later!" Luffy said before dashing off.

As Sanji helped Nami back into bed, Kureha reentered the room, chuckling at the black-haired boy's antics. "Kak kak kak. I'm surprised to see him up and at 'em so soon."

"So, did you figure out anything new about this?" SB asked, having to physically restrain the still-panicking navigator.

"Before that, who exactly was that little dish we were chasing?" Sanji cut in. The doctor proceeded to kick him against the wall so hard, he made an imprint on it.

"I'll answer those questions in order." She turned to SB. "When you said the last island you were on had dinosaurs, that got me thinking that there could've been extinct or even unknown diseases on such an island." Her audience nodded as she continued. "With that in mind, I started thinking outside the box on what I was looking for, and when I took another look at the sample, I saw something incredible."

The crew waited in suspense for a minute.

"Uh, are you doing a dramatic pause?" SB asked.

Kureha chuckled, "Yes I was. Now, what I saw is that there IS a virus in her system. The pathogens crudely imitate her cells to fool her immune system, then strike and alter her cells to become reptilian. Exactly how a virus can pull something like this is a mystery to me. As for the little guy? He's a reindeer that ate the Human-Human Fruit."

Nami had calmed down a bit during the exposition, "So… that's why I'm like this?"

Sanji peeled himself off the wall, "This doesn't make you any less beautiful, Nami-swan!"

Luffy wondered in moments later, moping.

Fencer tilted her head, "Couldn't find the little guy?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

SB sighed; he took a seat at the foot of Nami's bed and watched with his cheekbone in his palm as Luffy asked Kureha to join the crew, followed by Kureha pounding Luffy for calling her an old lady and then refused to join the crew. After that, Luffy and Sanji spotted Chopper and continued chasing him while being chased in-turn by Kureha, leaving SB, Fencer, and Nami alone in the room.

Fencer just laughed at all of it, "Ha! I love this crew."

SB looked back at Nami, "You ok?"

"No," she muttered.

"I meant physically, not mentally."

"Dude, not helping," Fencer glared.

Nami tried her best to compose herself, "Um, it's really chilly in here. Could you close the door?"

"Sure." Just as he closed the door, Chopper reentered the room, "Oh, hey, you're back."

Chopper surveyed the room, making sure Luffy and Sanji weren't present, then gave them his attention. "Yes, I'm back," he answered. He glanced at Nami, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Physically, yes," she and Fencer glared at SB again.

The little doctor hesitated before speaking again, "… I have some questions for all of you."

"Ask away," Fencer said.

He directed his first question at the ferret, "For starters, how can you talk?"

Fencer rubbed the collar on her neck, "See this thing? That's how I can talk. Declan bought it back when he got me in Loguetown."

The reindeer nodded, then faced SB, "Are you a skeleton because you ate a Devil Fruit?"

"Yeah."

Chopper's last questions were about the crew in general, "So, are you guys really pirates?"

The three Straw Hats nodded.

"With a flag with skull and crossbones?"

They nodded again, then Fencer gasped, "You wanna join our crew, don't you?"

"WHAT?!" Chopper shouted.

"You sounded really eager just now," Fencer elaborated.

"Well, I don't! I'm just a reindeer! I don't belong on a ship with a bunch of humans, let alone pirates!"

"So?" SB shrugged.

"…What?" Chopper asked.

"So what if you don't belong with us? We'd still take you," the skeleton said with a gentle tone.

Chopper's voice started getting shaky, "But I-I have hooves and antlers a-and a blue nose," he weakly protested.

"Eh, I'm not judging," Fencer said.

"Blue's my favorite color," SB followed up.

Chopper seemed almost frozen, "B-But…But."

Before he could give a proper response, Luffy and Sanji returned and resumed chasing him around.

Kureha entered the room seconds later, "I overheard a bit of your little chat. You aren't planning on stealing my assistant, are you?"

SB waved her off, "We weren't gonna kidnap him or anything like that."

"Kak kak kak, not if you know what's good for you. Anyway, I hope you don't think it'll be easy to simply talk him into going with you either. The little fella has a scar on his heart, one even my medicine can't heal."

SB tried not to sigh as Kureha's tale about Chopper's past began. It wasn't that he didn't care, he'd simply heard it all before.

Partway through the flashback, Fencer interrupted, "Wait!"

Kureha looked annoyed, "What?"

"Where'd Chopper get those pants?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, in the first part of that flashback, he wasn't wearing anything, but in the next shot, he has pants. When? How?"

"I don't know or care where he got them. Now let me continue," Kureha growled. Once the flashback finished, Fencer had another question, "How did you know about all the parts you weren't there for?"

"What?"

"Well, you didn't appear in the flashback at all. Doesn't that mean you weren't there to see any of it?"

Kureha cracked a grin, "Interesting question. The answer is that Chopper eventually opened up to me enough to show me flashbacks of his past from before we met. What you just saw were _my_ memories of _his _memories."

"Oooooooh," Fencer and SB said in unison.


End file.
